I spent a lot of time in high school and my first year of university fixating on being considered sociable. I did like socializing, but I didn’t thrive on it in the ways other people did. This emphasis on becoming an established social butterfly led to a dangerous rhetoric I would have with myself following most social interactions. I would catch myself psychoanalyzing the most irrelevant small talk and ripping apart the way I said “Hey.” I would think to myself, “Did I sound too eager? I don’t want them to think I was desperate to talk to them or that I don’t have any friends.”
Throughout first year I made friends and overcame this mindset. I didn’t ‘achieve’ or ‘conquer’ what I was striving for in high school but instead I realized that, with the right group of people, I wasn’t fixating on how social I seemed or if anyone thought I didn’t fit in.
I finished my second year at Queen’s confident in my social skills, even with the COVID-19 looming over me. Even though I wasn’t going to be able to see my friends over the summer I didn’t think it would take a large toll on me.
When returning to Queen’s in my third year I was so excited to be reunited with my friends. Although COVID-19 restrictions meant smaller gatherings I didn’t mind as I would still get to be surrounded with the people that made me feel my best. Life began to return to normal, relatively speaking; but, I hadn’t returned to normal. These social interactions that had kept me positive and wishful throughout the summer quickly became straining. I would be mentally exhausted prior to even hanging out with my friends, and I started periodically leaving the room when hanging out in groups because I didn’t want anyone to notice how little I was socializing. I was so upset with myself that I couldn’t enjoy the one thing that I had been deprived of all summer.
This is a side of our new reality that, like me, most college kids are dealing with. We have all returned to COVID-19 adjusted lives with no perception of how our social skills have changed and we are now all facing the problem of experiencing too much social stimulation. This new normal created a dichotomy in the ways in which we approach social situations. On one hand we are eager to get back to our friends and live as normally as we can, but on the other hand, we are straining ourselves to return to our social caliber as if the past 6 months haven’t affected us.
As the semester continues on and we navigate what it means to be a college student during the coronavirus, there are going to be pivotal restrictions and bubble capacity, all amounting to more uncertainty on how to cope with maintaining social connections. You can always lean on your friends for support, but make time to reflect on yourself as well. For now, the most important thing to remember, and also what I keep telling myself, is that things are going to keep changing but there is no pressure to change with them. We are all focusing on staying safe and, as a consequence, putting a lot of others to the side. So, remember to take time and reflect on the aspects of your life that may have changed but gone undetected: you are allowed to take a step back from the expectations of college life and take a deep breath.