One thing about me is that I absolutely despise letting things go. Arguments, sure, but you won’t catch me giving up my ex’s old, torn up t-shirt. Similarly, going through changing relationships and having to let people go sets my teeth on edge. My grandmother passed away in February and it’s still not something I can comprehend. I can’t seem to accept that she is fully and completely gone. We’ve all heard that change is scary, but for me, it often feels almost insurmountable. The thought of things not being exactly the way I liked them or how I was used to them makes me deeply uncomfortable. When I went on exchange last year, I got there and felt so excited for a completely new experience, but after a couple of months, a deep homesickness set in. Amidst all the amazing things that I was doing and seeing, I craved my university town, my parents and my friends. It felt like a dull ache, like a bruise you don’t quite notice until you bump into something. And now change looms over me yet again, with graduate school application deadlines nearing and every adult around me asking about my plans for next year. Being terrified of change is something incompatible with the fragility of human existence, and yet, it makes me itch when something changes. Â
So, what is there to do about this? How can I reconcile my deep-seated need for everything I’ve ever experienced to stay with me forever with the transient nature of life? I can’t say I’ve found a solid answer, but I can say that the times when I’ve been forced to confront change have almost always taught me something valuable. In the case of my beloved grandmother, I learned the importance of cherishing relationships, especially with older relatives. Around the same time my grandmother passed away, I also dealt with a breakup and I had to let someone go who I really cared about. It was extremely difficult for me to move forward and not linger in the past and it’s something that I’ve struggled with even recently. But what that situation has taught me is immeasurable. Through letting go of that person, I learned not only how difficult it is for me to do so, but also what I value in a partner, how I want to feel in a relationship and how I want to be treated in the future. Learning these lessons by going through periods of transition can only help me later, when I must deal with similar situations. I look back on middle school, when I went through a friendship breakup, and what that taught me, and how I was able to use that knowledge when I went through a similar situation a couple of years ago.Â
Learning to let go and move forward isn’t something I’ve quite figured out yet. So far, I can only seem to let go of things when they’re ripped from my hands. But I think that through the lessons I learn when I have to deal with change, I’m getting closer and closer to being able to accept it. It’s also helpful to remember that change is difficult and scary for a lot of people. Letting go might be an art, but it’s not one that always comes naturally. As I go through these next couple of years and all the transitions that will inevitably occur, I want to try to remember the lessons I’ve learned from change and how change can lead to something better. After all, nothing will improve unless you let go of the past and move forward. That might be the best reason of them all to embrace change.Â