Growing up I was very insecure. My insecurity and poor self-image started at a very young age. Back during my late elementary and early jr. high school years, I recall my dad making comments about my weight and the acne, which I had no control over. I was bullied by fellow classmates, and cousins as well. These few things really took a toll on how I viewed myself, and I developed a negative attitude towards myself that I’ve kept ever since.
During Jr. High I found myself always looking at other girls and comparing myself to them, something that a lot of people are guilty of. “Why am I not that skinny?”, “Why is my hair not that long?”, “Why is my skin not that clear?”, “Why am I not that pretty?” These were questions that haunted me day in and day out, though I never found any real answers to them. When seventh grade came around, I was 5’1” and over 140lbs, and for my body type this was overweight. I never saw my weight as something negative until classmates and family started making comments about it. I became obsessed with losing weight. In a matter of two months I had lost 15 lbs, which is pretty extreme for someone who was only thirteen.
My high school days consisted of gaining weight and panicking frantically until I lost it. If I put three pounds on, I would try to take six off. Being very insecure, I jumped into a relationship with the first kid that showed me positive attention. Of course, that positivity only lasted so long, and I ended up being in an abusive relationship for the first half of my high school career. The relationship was constantly on and off, and I was cheated on numerous times. Being young and very naïve, I thought that if I just changed myself these acts would stop and my partner would finally love me. My self esteem continued to drop greatly, and I had an intense hate for myself. By the end of sophomore year I had reached my lowest weight of 112 lbs from eating next to nothing. I was still in an insanely toxic relationship, and hated myself more than ever.
It wasn’t until my junior year that things started to finally turn around. I ended my toxic relationship for good, and while I was devastated to be rid of someone whom I thought I loved, things became clearer. It wasn’t my fault that I was being cheated on. It was my fault that I continued to stick with someone so toxic, but there was nothing wrong with me. For some reason that I cannot explain, it seemed like other insecurities seemed to disappear. The years of bullying didn’t bother me anymore. My insecurities were still there, but they didn’t seem to rule over my life anymore like they once had.
After finally realizing these things, I became much happier. I wasn’t obsessed with being the skinniest person, and I became comfortable in my own body even if I gained weight. I finally found self-acceptance. I gained great friends who made me happy and who still do to this day. I’ve gained more confidence than I ever thought I would have back when I was only thirteen. Within a few years, things can drastically change. Everyone’s life is a unique journey. Some people seem to be born with a strong natural confidence, and other’s take years to finally discover it. Maybe you’re still on your path to finding self-acceptance. Whatever the case may be, even if things seem like they will never change, you will learn to love yourself and find confidence within yourself.