Coming to you live with the best way to live life. Welcome to the single girl’s club. Whether you are a new member, an OG longtime single lady and need a reminder of how great this lifestyle is, or you are scheming to partake in the single life, I advise you to read every word of this article.
Having been single for the nineteen and a half years I have lived on this earth, I am a very credible source. I haven’t just been living single for these years but have been thriving. I am going to provide a list of things to remember when you’re feeling like you need a partner, how to overcome the uncomfortable feeling of being alone, and then my favorite part of how to actually CRUSH it in your single girl boss lifestyle.
- You do not need a man. You DO NOT need a man. One more time? You beautiful, sassy, fun, catch of a human, you 200% absolutely most definitely do not need a man. I promise you. Take this in. Maybe it won’t hit you for a couple more months, but the moment you truly believe this statement, you are golden. Unstoppable. You will be a true girl boss who has the power to curate your future actions in school, work, friendships, and future romantic relationships. In our extremely gendered society, we as females are programmed to think that we will find someone we call our soulmate and tie the knot. Aka, find a man for yourself. It’s not that I have a problem with finding a partner that you genuinely do love and align with, but it’s the fact that when happy successful single women are looked at as a threat. Or the other way around, society’s standard norm is to get married and have a family. No matter how much progress we’ve made, it’s a niche thing to meet a woman who is content in the fact that she is living her own life alone, doing whatever she wants and is fully completely satisfied. With that said, once more you do not need a man in your life to take care of you, provide for you, and for today’s gendered society to tell you so too.
2. Do not get the wrong impression here that I never have a front runner or male that I have a little crush on. Because there is always someone at the top. But, read these next words I tell myself frequently and consume them deeply; I have lived nineteen years without (insert boy’s name), so I can continue to live without him. So maybe you think you found the love of your life, or maybe it was a cruddy yet exciting situationship that you gave into the feels, and then for gosh knows what reason it didn’t work out. Fine. Great, actually. If he doesn’t want you, his loss. You already know how to live life without him, and you’re good at it too. Cut the dead weight. Whatever feelings are not serving you, take your time to mend yourself and your beautiful heart, and slowly come to realize once again that you lived so long without this person in your life and you can and will continue to do so.
3. Everyone copes in different ways, and every relationship’s impact takes a different severity toll on your emotional health. You are here in the uncomfortable state of being single. Your long term (or short term for that matter because those hit hard too) partnership is over and that has been accepted. One resource that I personally listened to and thought had some good points was the Call Her Daddy Podcast episode “How to be Single.” Just twenty-nine minutes and nine seconds, and you can kick start your journey to being a strong single girl navigating your way through emotions and life.
Big time pro tip when you are in the depths of sadness and loss of your relationship, find yourself a happily single friend. You know the girls that are living in their girlboss single period and leach onto them. From personal experience, one of my best friends last falls was distraught over the breakup with her boyfriend. She was not doing well, and everytime she came to me crying I told her, I promise you this will get better. You are going to be okay. These things take time. Be kind to yourself, do things that make you feel good, and find something that made you happy or sparked some sort of joy every day. I promise deep down in my heart that with time, the feeling of loss will fizzle out. Just don’t rush it. Lean into your emotions and accept that you are sad and hang out with your best single friend (a lot). Four-ish months later, and my distraught friend is loving, living and excelling in being single and actually enjoying herself again.
4. For some strange reason you woke up thinking you need a man. Maybe you want a man? Maybe you are feeling pressure to be with someone? Here we have another situation. An odd one because like we all already know, we are so content being single. In the case that this happens, let me provide you with a lovely little list of things to remember. This is not to say, if you want to be with someone that is actually a potential positive prospect that could add to your life, go for it. Pursue it. But just remember the following things.
- Said male you have your eye on will at some point soon do something that gives you an aggressive ick. Or better yet, imagine something he has already done that grossed you out to the max and that should repulse you enough to wipe that thought out of your head.
- This, right now, is his peak best appearance. His physical appearance most likely isn’t going to get a whole lot better these prime years. Is he really that cute??
- Unless you have established that you are mutually exclusive, meaning you are only talking and hanging out with each other, always expect there to be another girl in the picture. I am aware that I’m crushing hearts, but this is tough love and this is the truth. You are going to get your actual heartbroken if you think the average cute boy holding a place on your snapchat best friend roster is solely snapping you.
- Most importantly, is this serving you? What are you getting out of talking to him besides maybe a compliment here and there and the butterfly rush when you see his name pop up? Is there anything else worth pursuing here?
- We are dealing with young men here. They are not mature. Take a moment to imagine him saying something so stupid, so dumb, so unnecessarily idiotic you didn’t know it was possible. Option two, think of something one of your guy friends have said that was so simply stupid or triggering; the likelihood that this male has verbally said something similar is unfortunately high.
- One last point to make, this man is almost certainly not going to be your husband or be a celebrity in your main character story life by next year. Imagine all the other guys you have had a “thing” for, and where are they now? Right, they are long gone off the roster.
5. You’re still with me! We’ve made it to point five, the time when we embrace and introduce all the fun aspects and reasons of why being single is a fantastic way of life. The thing that makes starting a relationship less attractive in my life right now is the extreme freedom I hold. I am able to do whatever the heck I want. When I go out with friends, nobody is waiting to hear from me, wants me to call them, update them, or see them. This is not to say at all that being with a partner causes a decrease in freedom, it’s just a different kind of freedom when you are in a relationship versus not being tied down to anyone at all.
Go out with your friends, put on an outfit for yourself and yourself only, talk to whoever you want, stay until the function ends or leave after ten minutes – who cares? Crush your single girl era and be the main character in your story. Nobody is going to stop you, especially in college. I am obsessed with the freedom I have obtained in the past year and a half. The freedom of being able to be completely truly me, and if it’s not meshing well with one person, I move onto the next. Accept the idea that you have so many choices and options in your life right now. There will never be a time again, where your main job is to go to school and heighten your social life. Settle down with yourself. Commit to you. Your relationship with yourself is insanely important in understanding what you want and what you are worth. A male is an addition. They are fun. Have fun with them. But know you are so capable, so enjoyable, so fun, and have so much going for you with your personality alone.
I want to put it this into perspective, I have never had a relationship. I’ve never really been all that close either. I wrote this bluntly to put the idea of being your own individual strong, confident, single woman as a fun reality that any girl has the ability to be. I am also fully aware I could definitely use the opposite type of article giving a “how to” on being in a relationship. But for now, let this sink in. Embrace the freedom you own in your life to do whatever you want, and the right you have to be a girl boss, making decisions, and getting rid of anything not serving you positive energy.