The Anxiety of Being Twenty

Every time someone asks me how old I am and I respond with twenty, I am met with “enjoy it, it is the best time of your life.” But most of the time, I feel like I am in the trenches. While being hit with the nostalgia for the innocence of childhood and confronting the rest of my life at the same time, I feel like I am going insane. 

When people describe their twenties, they use words like invigorating, adventurous and lively. But the words that come to my mind right now are more like: uncertain, anxious and lost. So much enthusiasm from someone so young, I know. 

As I move from the comfort of childhood into the world as an adult, my brain is experiencing sensory overload. It feels like a million different things are coming at me at once, and I am totally lost on where to start. 

When I left home for college, I felt like I had a limited window to figure out what the rest of my life would look like. That pressure soon manifested into anxiety and unrealistic expectations. I came to realize that even those who seemed to have it all together also faced uncertainty. 

Sometimes I still succumb to the thoughts of failure because I don’t have everything figured out, but then I remember I am only twenty. If I have everything figured out now, then what is the rest of my life for? This is the time to make mistakes and learn. 

The anxiety of the future is also mixed with understanding my past. As I began this new chapter of my life, I felt like I needed to reflect on my previous experiences. I found it very important to comprehend how those experiences made me into who I am today. 

Facing the mistakes of my past allowed me to see my growth and created a foundation for who I want to be. It was also important for me to let go of those things and not chastise myself for not doing better when I didn’t know better. 

It can be easy to judge my decisions from the perspective I have now, but I like to believe I am doing my best in every moment. And those “mistakes” were so important for my growth, and recognizing I would not be who I am without them had allowed me to give myself much more grace. 

I think an added layer of anxiety today stems from social media. We are all watching each other’s highlight reels and comparing, oftentimes subconsciously. Seeing the opportunities other people are getting can cause jealousy or feelings of being behind in life. 

But that is a fraction of someone’s life, and no one’s life is perfect. Trying to keep up with someone else’s highlight reel will just leave you missing out on your own life. I think it is important to take a break from scrolling and explore what is important to you. 

Although this time in my life is surrounded by a lot of uncertainty, it is also filled with a lot of joy. I think focusing on the present and remembering that I am only twenty and my whole life does not need to be figured out is imperative.

• anxiety
• college
• twenty
• uncertainty