With Thanksgiving around the corner, I find myself counting down the days until I’m home again. It’s strange to think that it’s only been three months since I left, yet a lot feels different—my routine, my friends and even the way I think about home and my family.
My parents had no idea how the American college process works. I remember trying to explain FAFSA and the Common App while they nodded politely, pretending to understand. They didn’t need to know the details; they just knew it mattered to me, and that was enough for them to support me completely.
College was all I ever wanted, so much so that I want to continue post-grad (hopefully). Sometimes I feel guilty enjoying college life. I call home often—partly to share, partly to reassure them I’m okay. But gratitude outweighs guilt. They sacrificed comfort so I could chase opportunity.
Living up to expectations in college is exacerbated by being first-gen, because you set them yourself. There’s no clear model to follow, no older sibling or parent who can tell you what “enough” looks like. So it often feels like no matter how hard you work, you’re still chasing an invisible standard you created but can never quite reach.
Independence as the oldest daughter of immigrants is not new. I value my independence so much. My problem-solving brain is kicked into overdrive, always figuring out the next step before I even realize there’s a problem. Still, it’s strange to realize that independence can feel both empowering and lonely at the same time.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? Sometimes I find myself missing even the smallest things, like taking the subway to school or stealing my brother’s hoodies. Those everyday moments mean more now that I’ve learned to live without them.
So that brings us to Thanksgiving break, which is coming up so soon. I feel grateful to be able to spend it with my family, especially when I have friends who are international students who don’t have that same luxury.
I’ve learned a lot in the three months that I’ve spent at college. I’ve made mistakes, like getting lost within my own dorm and miscommunications with my roommate. But I’ve also had some triumphs, personal ones like doing well on a test I studied extra for, and communal ones, like having daily dinners/debriefs with my friends.
I know I will look at this time later with rose-tinted glasses. The long nights of studying, the homesickness and even the uncertainty of figuring out who I am will blur into warm memories of growth and discovery. What feels overwhelming now will one day feel like proof that I was learning how to build a life of my own.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I’m filled with excitement and nostalgia. Home will feel both familiar and strange. I know my parents will ask a million questions, my brother will tease me and the place where I grew up has become secondary. College and adulthood in general are times for change, but I’m grateful for the person I am becoming.