Is love really the key to any relationship? Well, not necessarily.
Women are taught from a young age that they will meet their prince charming, a man who is handsome, smart, rich, and, of course, madly in love with them. However, reality is not as simple. Women are often treated poorly. They stand by men who don’t appreciate them. They forgive what should never be forgiven. Life is not what the television shows us.
Even the romantic comedies that we love so much show that it is okay for men to treat women poorly. They simply have to make a grand gesture and apologize. Making a big romantic gesture should not erase all the harm done. You should not forgive him cheating simply because he wrote you a song after being caught. You should not forgive him yelling because he bought you flowers. You should not forgive him for controlling you because he claims to be in love with you. You don’t have to take him back, despite often being judged for doing so.
People use love as an excuse to act irrationally. Take the tv show “YOU” as an example. It portrays a man who does everything in the name of love. He stalks, yells, and even kills, as he is “trying to protect” the woman he loves. Their relationship is toxic and sick, yet some people continue to admire his commitment and passion. Women from all over the world claim that they want a man who loves them just as much. They fail to realize that love should not serve as an excuse for every bad behavior. A person who loves one another will never put them through so much suffering. However, this is not what many of us want to hear.
How many times have we heard from our friends that “he has changed?” But honey, he probably hasn’t changed. Even if he did, it should not serve as an excuse to forgive previous unhealthy behavior that has made you suffer. The more you believe he has changed, the more likely you are to be disappointed when finding out he hasn’t. And at the end of the day, it is not your job to make him change. Your job is to focus on yourself and not allow anyone to treat you poorly.
Women often let their hope guide them, believing that the little attention he sometimes gives is proof that he feels the same way – I know, I often do this myself. But love should not be about the small hopes and the cries for attention. “The Bachelor” is a great example of this. This season, in every single episode, Peter, the bachelor, had to apologize for treating the women like dirt, multiple women cried, and women turned their backs on each other. And at the end of the day, they say that none of that matters, because they are there solely for Peter. Meanwhile, he lies, saying that he sees a future with every single one of them. Peter doesn’t see a future with over 20 women, he simply doesn’t. He can’t ask them to open up to him if he doesn’t open up to them. He can’t reinforce drama to see them fighting over him. Yet the women stand by the little hope that they truly are falling in love. We cheer for them; we cry with them. However, we should not be standing by this toxic kind of love anymore.
When asked what the best couples from tv shows are, people are prone to say Ross and Rachel, from “Friends”, and Chuck and Blair, from “Gossip Girl”. Those are two of the most toxic relationships ever shown on tv.
For starters, Ross is so jealous of Rachel’s coworker, Mark, that he constantly fights with her and ended up cheating – you may argue that they were on a break, but the point remains the same. Rachel interrupts Ross’s wedding to profess her love, and he ends up saying her name at the alter. They get married drunk in Las Vegas, and Ross lies about having the annulment. They constantly sabotage each other’s relationships. The list goes on and on. But in the end, what people remember is how much they loved each other.
Chuck and Blair’s relationship manages to be even more toxic. The fact that they loved each other is undeniable, but people often neglect to remember everything that has happened aside from that. Chuck humiliated Blair multiple times. He attempted to sabotage her other relationships, tried to punch her, and caused drama between her friends. Chuck even attempted to rape another girl at the beginning of the series, and yet he remains one of the show’s favorite characters.
We, as a society, idolize these toxic relationships. We love to see a couple who finds their way back to each other despite everything else that happens. However, this everything else is really what we should be focusing on. We need to stop applauding unhealthy relationships. We need to learn how to recognize abusive behavior and act to stop it. We need to cheer for love that is respectful and honest. We need to stop idolizing toxic relationships.