I wrote an article in October 2020 called “Why You Need Some Time For Yourself.” In this article, I talk about the need to have a small break for yourself after going from relationship to relationship.
I included many kinds of relationships in this article: committed, talking, hooking up, situationships, booty calls, you name it. Even if you are not dating exclusively, those types of relationships take time, and they can take a toll on someone’s mental health if you don’t take a break to rethink your priorities and what you want in a partner.
I am also the biggest hypocrite in the world because even though I wrote this article, I kept jumping from relationship to relationship myself. However, I feel like now it’s finally my time to take my break and completely retire from college hook-up culture.
Even though I wasn’t too active in hooking up itself, I was still always talking to someone. In this cycle, my standards dropped to the floor, and I began to feel like a literal object. Unfortunately, I am not the only one.
Recently there’s been a trend on Tik Tok to the sound of “Bored” by Billie Eilish.
In this trend, women share statements said by their partners that made them feel bad about themselves and used by their partners.
The worst part is that if you check the comments under each video and the number of similar videos under the sound, you will see this is a common feeling among women. I have felt this way before too, and it concerns me the number of girls who have heard such objectifying comments from their partners.
These feelings should not be normalized. Having someone devalue you as a human being and treat you like a doll should not be acceptable. These objectifying behaviors can destroy someone’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
My message goal for this article is to teach you to say NO.
Obviously, the best solution in an ideal world would be for men to stop thinking they are entitled to a woman’s body and fully respect us. However, for the time being, I want you to focus on yourself and your feelings. If you feel bothered and sad by how someone has been treating you, I encourage you to sit back and analyze your partner’s behavior.
Ask yourself some questions. Why do I feel the way I do? Are they putting effort into this relationship, or is it just me? Do they really like me, or are they just using me? After that, make the decision. Is it worth it to keep trying?
If the answer is no, it’s time to express your feelings to your soon-to-be ex-partner. I know it might be easier and tempting to just disappear, but I am a true believer that you should tell people how they make you feel, especially if their behavior is problematic.
Going out with multiple people can be freeing and fun. However, it is necessary to set boundaries so that what once was fun doesn’t turn into the reason you need to double your therapy sessions.
If you are feeling devalued, remember that it is okay to say no and take all the time you need to figure out your feelings. Learn where your priorities lie, build your confidence up again, and begin love yourself more.
Remember: if someone isn’t adding anything positive to your life and doesn’t make you feel like the amazing person you are, let them go.