Cycling through friends is challenging. Once you find someone you like and you bond over shared interests, you can start to excuse their bad behavior for the sake of your friendship.
As you stay in a friendship longer and disagreements or problematic behaviors start, it can sometimes be challenging to set strong boundaries. When you become so comfortable with each other, it’s hard to tell when the other is being serious about their frustrations or when to stop joking around and be genuine.
When you start to notice toxic patterns, or you feel like you don’t want them in your life anymore, don’t wait for an altercation or excuse to leave. Confront them directly and lay out all of your issues.
Not every friendship has to last 20 years. Some people are in your life temporarily for a reason. You may learn something from the relationship or teach them a valuable life lesson. Sometimes friendships only work in certain settings — not everyone can be your friend for everything.
Here’s how to amicably cut someone off and avoid conflict.
- Explain Yourself
-
You’re the person deciding to cut your friend off, so you should let them know and explain why. Sometimes people can be jarring to us and they don’t even realize themself.
If I decide I no longer want to be friends with someone, I let them know why I feel like we’re not compatible anymore. It could’ve been a specific incident or argument, or simply a changed behavior over time.
I like to put myself in their shoes. If I did what my friend was doing to me, how would I want them to address me in their confrontation?
- Don’t Insult Them
-
You may feel slighted by this old friend, and therefore be tempted to curse them out or hurt their feelings.
However, that’s not the best idea. You were friends before, which means that you trusted each other enough to share secrets and open up to them. Don’t throw it back in their face — it’s unnecessary and just adds unwanted harm to an already painful discussion.
Be polite and honest about why you think the friendship won’t work out.
- Don’t Drag It Out
-
It’s hard to tell someone you once loved that you don’t feel the same about them anymore. You don’t want to hurt their feelings, especially if they didn’t do something outright wrong.
The best way to cut someone off without dragging it out is keeping your words precise. Don’t backtrack and try to soften the blow.
Be clear and firm about your reason for cutting them off. Let them know that you have morals and boundaries and that you don’t bend them for anyone.
Make sure that before you decide to cut a friend off, you genuinely do not believe there can be reconciliation. Miscommunications can lead to rash decisions like this, so you should ensure that there’s nothing that can be fixed.
Your friend may push back at first, but they ultimately can’t force you to stay in their life. Prioritize your own mental health and cut off your toxic friends so you can be a better friend to the people you love.