Learning to be confident, even when you feel insecure, is an invaluable skill. Being a woman in today’s world, with social media, pop culture and new trends every day is hard enough, but it’s even harder when you aren’t confident. As someone who has struggled with confidence, I am going to give you my advice and tips on how to feel confident, even when it feels impossible.
Growing up, I was always shy. Always the quiet girl, who didn’t want anyone’s eyes on me. That was difficult, however, because I have red hair. I was always the only girl in my grade with red hair. This might not seem like anything to be insecure about, but to me I was the black sheep in almost every social setting.
Even in my own family, I was one of the only girls to have red hair. I constantly got compliments for my hair, but it didn’t make me feel any better. This feeling of insecurity got even worse when I was in middle school. From the ages of 13 through 16, I was so self-conscious that I debilitated my own life. I didn’t let myself do certain things or act certain ways, because I didn’t want to be seen. I had crippling anxiety that anything I did in the public eye would be scrutinized.
Then, in my junior year of high school, something switched. I put myself out there by going on a school retreat and realized something I never thought could be true, no one cares. When I surrounded myself with all of these kids my age, I thought I would just shrivel up and die from embarrassment. Instead, I let myself just be me. I ended up having one of the most valuable experiences of my life.
After this I started doing things I would have never done before. It was simple but so important in relieving this anxiety about constantly having to be perfect in everyone else’s eyes. I started saying hi to new people in the hallway, I travelled to different countries without the fear of being somewhere completely unknown and I went to prom feeling like the most beautiful girl in the world.
Ever since then, I have changed my mindset. While I am definitely much more confident today than I was at 13, I can’t say that it just comes easily. I think that being 100% confident everyday may be impossible, and that’s okay. Everyone has a bad day and that’s normal, so don’t beat yourself up over it. My advice to stay confident is to not care as much.
I would be lying if I said not caring is just that easy, because it’s not. It takes time and experiences to really see that, but I promise you it’s the truth. When you learn to live in the uncomfortable and not care about others’ opinions you not only love life more, but you learn about what you are passionate about.
My final piece of advice is this: be yourself. We are so caught up striving to live up to others’ standards that we often forget our own interests. Remember who you are and what you love. Live for you and not for others, and that is when confidence finds you.
I know the journey of gaining confidence is not an easy one, and as I’ve stated, it usually takes a long time. Don’t give up hope and continue to work towards self-love. You deserve it!