How Lucky I Am: the Things I’ve Learned from Grief

As I’m writing this, tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my dad’s death and I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t feel different than I thought I would. 

I went from knowing nothing about grief to knowing everything in the span of one short year. While this experience has been absolutely no fun, I have learned some valuable lessons that I think you all should hear. If you have a grieving friend or feel that you may be grieving soon, take some notes. 

Anniversaries are hard

This was something I had thought about before I’d ever lost anyone. Why do people get so sad on death anniversaries? What’s the difference between this and a regular day?

Well, I don’t really know. 

Perhaps it’s a reminder of everything you’ve lost or how on this day, you had no idea what would later happen.  

Nevertheless, it seriously drags you down. 

Some people just won’t get it

When my dad died, I must be honest, my friends weren’t the biggest help.  

I saw my mom surrounded by her amazing friends who all felt her grief for her. It was as if their own husbands had died and I was so jealous. However, I received some sympathy tears for about a week and felt as if, after that, I was left on my own. 

I even received a comment from a teacher asking if I was ready to “move on from it” (the answer was, overwhelmingly, no). 

So if you’re facing a hard time, you may have to do some searching for someone that hears you the way that you want to be heard but please, don’t deal with it all on your own. 

you’re never going to learn what to say 

You’d think that after you went through your own grief experience, you’d know just what to say to make people feel better when it happens to them. This is not the case at all.  

Nobody’s words are ever going to take away your pain, but as mentioned above, you can be a good listener for them. They’ll need it. 

You’re going to grow up. fast.

I began last year as an excited, 17-year-old high school senior. Now, I am an 18-year-old college freshman who feels like I’m in my forties.  

I lost a lot of color and became very dependent on a predictable, structured schedule. Which honestly, makes me a lot less fun than I used to be. 

You’ll have new responsibilities, especially if you lose a parent, and you’ll just feel older. 

Lots of fear

Now that I know that this can happen to me, I wake up every day in fear that it will happen again.  

The day of my dad’s death was a normal school day. Until I got in my bed to go to sleep, then it wasn’t. I now feel like I don’t know what a day can hold. 

Of course you shouldn’t live your life in fear, but I always have a thought like this lingering in the back of my mind. 

give yourself a break

I went back to school the day after my dad died (such a bad idea). 

I coped with schoolwork. I immediately jumped back into all of my assignments. I may have graduated with a 4.0, but I did it at the cost of my emotional wellbeing, which I’m sure will come back to haunt me soon.

everyone is different

Something that I find to be so interesting about grief is that everyone approaches it differently.  

Some people fall into a depression so deep that they can’t do anything for months, others go into an overdrive of productivity. Some feel crippling sadness every day. Others can’t face it, so they shut it out.  

No matter what you or your friends and family do, remember that every single one is valid and we’ve all just got to get through. 

The impact of a person

Finally, what I’ve deemed the only good thing about grief, is to see how far and wide a single person can reach. 

When my dad died, I realized how many people loved him, found him funny, appreciated his hard work and were annoyed by him. I observed how good of a friend he was and how he was born to have his job.  

When someone dies, you see how much they meant to the world. From the smallest “hellos” to the biggest, best friendships. It’s a rewarding thing to see.  

As I wrap up my article, I’d like to remind you all that grief is a blessing, even if it’s hard- it shows us how much we love.  

And of course, I am going to tell you to call your loved ones and give them a hug, because they really are the best. 

I’ll leave you with my favorite grief quote by the ever-so-wise, Winnie-the-Pooh, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” 

• grief
• love
• mental health