Growing up, we had this preconceived notion that boundaries were made to distance people. These boundaries, however, have a very negative connotation attached to it.
In any relationship, task or phase in your life, having a balance is essential. Boundaries contribute to that. Even though it is a little misleading, these minute yet very impactful parameters help people around you to know you better.
Boundaries give shape to amorphous concepts as well as a sense of agency to physical spaces and people. They can apply to any kind of relationship. It can be a family member, friend or even your relationship with yourself.
Like love, hate, dislike, and any other human emotion, boundaries are very subjective. They are a sophisticated means to define what you are comfortable with and what you are not. It can be helpful to take time and establish those boundaries for you as they help you stand your ground.
While creating boundaries can mean differently to different people, there are two steps to create boundaries.
The first step is acknowledging these boundaries for yourself. It is a challenging task, and it does not come easy. People indulge in a lot of self-guilt and are hesitant to address it. But, I want to reiterate the fact that it is OK to have distinct boundaries. Everything has its bounds, and so do you.
As easy as it sounds, actually building up those boundaries can be very difficult. It requires a lot of willpower, determination, and most importantly, self-love.
It does not come instantly and you have to constantly work upon it. To do so, stay in contact with yourself. Do not forget what matters to you and do not let anyone undermine that.
Knowing your boundaries is a sign of power and maturity and not a sign of selfishness and disrespect. It merely shows that you respect yourself before anything or anyone.
Another way you could help identify your boundaries is by considering your past and present and practicing self-awareness. As important as the present is, the past plays a vital role in the formation of your present feelings and notions.
You are your own person and are allowed to have opinions and limitations. The respect and space you give to other people, try to give it to yourself, too. It is OK to say “no.” It is OK to back out of something that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is OK to be point-blank honest about the things that matter to you.
Ultimately what matters is you go to bed being honest to yourself. Having these boundaries allows you to make yourself a priority and boosts self-esteem.
The second step is to communicate those boundaries. Once you have established these boundaries for yourself, make sure you share it with the people around you. This step is key to maintaining a healthy relationship.
Talking about boundaries will only help you and your relationship grow and strive. Any healthy relationship would respect those boundaries once they have been communicated. Being open and communicative about it might be hard at first but not doing so also is extremely unfair to you and the person involved.
Someone once said to me, “Boundaries are not meant to distant people. They are meant to bring people together.”
It is true because you are trusting that person with a precious part of you and putting expectations of understanding and reciprocation in play. But also remember, if you do not want to communicate those boundaries to them because you are afraid they will react negatively, it is a sign of a toxic relationship. No one should feel bad about respecting themselves and their limitations.
Boundaries do not have to be permanent. It can be flexible and can depend on a phase in your life, a specific incidence, or person. Each one of us had the right to change their mind about what they define as boundaries at any point in their life. What matters is communicating those changes to the people who might be affected by those.
Boundaries provide you with a safe space to grow and be vulnerable. It takes time to establish those as you change with time, they might change too. Hence, stay in touch with yourself, and be easy on yourself.