Self-value is the art of putting yourself first and believing it. That doesn’t mean simply canceling plans because you need a night of self-care; self-value in this context means putting your beliefs, mindsets and values before others.
Setting the scene
Is what you think easily undermined by what others think? Does the voice in your head have authority, or do others’ views easily make you feel inferior?
For example, you take yourself for some food and hear someone talking about how they could never eat out alone. You’re about to study for a daunting test and overhear a classmate say they do not need to; it’ll be easy. You love being single, but one of your friends just mentioned how sleazy it is to date around. Ouch.
It’s not just our experiences in real life that hit us where we didn’t know it hurt. Our phones do it, too.
You’re scrolling through TikTok, and someone calls your go-to sweat set ugly. Your favorite influencer just told you that you’ve been dancing wrong your whole life. You listen to “five signs your talking stage doesn’t actually like you,” and suddenly, you’re filled with doubt.
Fending off what other people think is a skill and a crucial one to work on.
What is insecurity?
Insecurity and the gross feeling emotions that come with it are born from a few different things: Placing weight on how someone else thinks, believing someone’s values are more correct than yours and looking at yourself through someone else’s eyes.
So how do we escape being influenced by others and feeling lesser because of it?
For starters, don’t let your mind follow the validation of others. While it may feel nice when someone compliments you or looks at you fondly, the opposite is true when someone judges you or makes a snide comment as you walk by.
Instead of focusing on how others view you and being fueled by that validation, frame your thinking instead to take meaning from your own logic and beliefs.
Why are the ideas you value not as important as the ideas someone else values? Why do you place more weight on what someone thinks of you instead of what you think about yourself?
Putting weight to your beliefs
To be secure in one’s own beliefs, one must accept that they are one’s own, truly, and not definable to anyone else.Â
Not only is simply knowing what you believe important, but, equally, we must allow ourselves to give weight and validity to said beliefs. In other words, we must believe that our ideas are worthy of practicing.Â
Perfecting this leads to confidence in not only how we present to others but also an assuredness that what we are defined by is not how we’re perceived. Rather, we come to perceive ourselves as our own valid beliefs, opinions and thoughts.
Eventually, we reach a point of standing by our values and thoughts so much that any opposing ideals lose the authority to make us feel wrong. When we think like this, we can wear whatever we want, date whoever we want and argue however we want because we’ve gained a sense of authority and correctness behind our ideas.
Generally, beneath the surface, nobody has any idea what they’re doing. All anyone ever has is their own authority of self. So why listen to someone else’s bullshit when you could harness and listen to your own?