Penn State, the happiest of valleys, some would say. I am here to tell you, I wholeheartedly agree with that. Do I go to Penn State? Yes. Have I been influenced by the culty environment that lives here? I think, yes! But let me tell you, there are some aspects of State College that you wouldn’t understand unless you walk along these same roads. Now, I am just a little freshman who still doesn’t know all the tricks of the trade, but here are some things I’ve learned in my first semester at Penn State.
1. The Squirrels are Tough!
Picture this: you’re just having a grand ol’ day and you’re walking back to your dorm. Suddenly… you see a squirrel. They’re eating a nut and you think, “oh, how cute!” Then, this squirrel spots you, stops in its tracks and makes direct eye contact with you. It gives you a look of pure superiority, saying, “touch my nut and you die.” This squirrel then stops you in your tracks. You’re at a stalemate. Out of the blue, the squirrel bolts right in front of you! You flinch, but then realize the squirrel is in a tree now…it’s over. I know what you’re thinking; that was frickin’ scary, and yes the person in this story was me. Penn State squirrels, they’ll tell you who’s boss… it’s them.
2. People don’t pick up their feet when they walk.
I don’t mean to sound like an old woman who complains about the young hooligans, but pick up your damn feet when you walk. Are you tired? Probably, but so am I b*tch! Are your shoes too big? Buy some that fit, but for the love of God, please just pick up your feet. This has always been a pet peeve of mine but I feel like it was heightened here at Penn State. I don’t know what’s in the water, but it seems to me that everyone just chooses to have their feet perpetually stuck to the ground. Please, oh please, just pick up your feet. I can assure you, you will start noticing this too if you haven’t already.
3. Pedestrians have the right of way— in every situation
Look both ways before crossing? I think not. Yes, I understand how a four-way intersection works. But it seems to me that everyone thinks it’s a naive freshman thing to do when you look before crossing. The plan of action I have noticed most student take here is just a simple, go for it. Is there a car coming? Maybe, but ya know, they’ll stop if they see me. Either that or I’ll get my tuition paid, right? So here at Penn State, just walk right in front of cars ‘cause looking before crossing is for chumps.
4. Home to the most Chads and Brads you’ll ever meet.
Let me make this clear: Penn State is a very diverse school. Being a brown woman, I highly appreciate this. But when I tell you that you’ll be interacting with Chads and Brads on the daily, you better believe it. You’ll be hearing things like “Saturdays are for the boys,” or “send it” on the reg. Quite possibly, even find some Natty cans on your hallway floors, (underage drinking? Never heard of her). You may be thinking, “hey, maybe it’s just the people she’s interacted with.” I can assure you, it’s not just freshman and it most certainly is not just me. Who doesn’t love waking up to the blaring sound of “Mo Bamba”, every f**king morning?
5. Watch out, or you will get hit by a bike.
Think of Penn State as a video game and getting to class as the mission. You make it through, not getting hit by any buses, but alas comes the hard part— bikers. Now, there aren’t too many of them, but this is level two. More bikes fit on the roads than cars, so it’s almost like dodge ball but with humans on two wheels. I could honestly see a bike on the other side of the road and I will flinch ‘cause I think it’s gonna hit me. I feel like this is more of a me problem, ya know, just a fear of bikes. But we can thank Penn State for that.
So thank you Dear Old State, for the squirrels, for the bikes, for the Chads and Brads, and most important, for the glory. 7 more semesters to go!