This month, I officially turn 20, which feels surreal. It seems like it was yesterday that I turned 13 and became an official teenager. Now that my teenage years are behind me, I will have a whole new decade ahead, the daunting 20s.
It is a weird feeling to be old enough to have learned some truths but still young enough to be figuring everything out. As I celebrate this milestone, I have been reflecting on the lessons that have shaped me so far. Here are 20 things I have learned in my 20 years.
- You don’t have to believe the things you think about yourself
-
Sometimes the harshest voice is the one in your head. The pressure of society forces us to be harsher and more critical of ourselves than we need to be. The reality is that half the stuff we think about ourselves isn’t even true.
- You are probably overthinking
-
Our brains tend to create problems that don’t exist. Take a step back and consider the bigger picture. Overthinking is just a protection mechanism.
- manifesting is real
-
The universe won’t hand you everything you want, but focusing your energy and intentions does make a difference. I think writing down and visualizing everything you want can help push you toward your goals. There have been moments when I realized that I manifested parts of the life I have now.
- You don’t have to have everything figured out
-
My friends and I have this discussion all the time, and the more I open up to people, the more I realize that nobody has it figured out. Society puts so much pressure on us to know exactly what we want to do. The reality is, college is meant to be a time for you to learn about yourself and your interests. Life is a journey, not a blueprint.
- There is beauty in not knowing what is going to happen next
-
Some of life’s best moments come from surprise and spontaneity. It seems comforting to know everything, but think of how boring life would be if we already knew how it would play out.
- Don’t trust short men
-
Okay, this one is meant to be a little funny. In all honesty, though, be cautious.
- Comparison is truly the thief of joy
-
I am so guilty of falling for the comparison trap. I feel that, especially with social media, I am always comparing myself to others. They have more followers than me. They are prettier than me. They are more successful than me.
Stop comparing yourself to someone else’s highlight reel! We are all on our own path. If you are happy, that is all that matters.
- There will never be a doubt in your mind when you trust your gut
-
If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Something I have learned is that our mind will often try to convince us our gut is wrong, but this is just another protection mechanism.
My freshman year of college was when I finally learned to trust my gut more, and it has yet to steer me in the wrong direction.
- Being able to enjoy your own company is special
-
I was listening to a podcast the other day where the host said that being able to enjoy your own company is so special, and that really resonated with me. As an only child, I was forced to learn how to enjoy my own company at an early age.
I never appreciated it until I got to college and realized that it made my transition easier. All my friends struggled because they felt like they needed to be out all the time and find friends immediately, whereas I was very content slowly figuring it out. You don’t need other people to have a good time.
- Once you live in alignment with your purpose everything will fall into place
-
Whether you believe it or not, everyone has a purpose in life. It can take some people longer to find their purpose than others, but once you find it, I can assure you everything will start to come together.
The best way to find your purpose is to lean into what you enjoy and what you are good at. For instance, I would never pursue a career in the medical field because I almost pass out every time I get a shot. Try new things and see what you can do with your passions.
- Your social media is for your own self expression
-
This is something I heard on Mel Robbins’ podcast, and it really stuck with me. I would get so much anxiety about posting because I would question if people would think I was weird or full of myself.
After hearing this from Mel Robbins, I realized how true this is. The purpose of social media is to share your life and who you are. Stop caring about what other people think.
- Men are intimidated by women who have their lives together
-
Confidence isn’t just attractive; it is disarming. Don’t be discouraged if your confidence pushes guys away.
This means they aren’t mature enough to be with you. When the right guy comes along, he will be able to handle your confidence.
- Rely on your people
-
I cannot express how important this is. My support system has helped me so much.
My parents, friends and mentors have all guided me when I needed it, even with the small things. If I am having a bad day or doubting myself, it always helps to know that I have people who believe in me and know I am trying my best.
- Success is about how you feel, not money and achievements
-
This is something that my parents always told me, but it never resonated until I got older. We all know the quote, “money can’t buy you happiness,” and this advice is similar.
You don’t need to be rich or have an overflowing number of accolades to be considered successful. Your success is measured in the life you build for yourself. If you are happy with your life, then you have achieved success.
- If that door gets blocked, it wasn’t meant for you
-
The universe has a funny way of telling us what is meant for us and what is not. Whenever something doesn’t work out for me, instead of being upset, I just say it wasn’t meant for me.
The things that are meant for you will come, and they will stay.
- If a guy really likes you, he will make it known
-
I know most girls won’t want to hear this, but if a guy really likes you, there will be no room for confusion. If a man is making you chase him or you have any doubts, take that as your sign to move on.
- Nobody else can tell you what makes you happy
-
I feel like we live in a world where everyone is trying to tell you what to do with your life. Your parents may be telling you what career to choose or what school to go to. Your friends may be telling you who to be friends with or what clubs to join. The same goes for social media.
The truth is, if it doesn’t make you happy, then why are you doing it? I felt so much pressure from everyone around me to join a sorority at Penn State when deep down, I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it, so I didn’t join. Never let anyone pressure you into conforming to someone you aren’t.
- Everything always works out
-
When I was in high school, I always thought that if one thing went wrong, my whole life was going to fall apart. That cannot be further from the truth.
When you look back, has there ever been an instance where it didn’t work out? Probably not. It may not have worked out how you hoped or intended it to, but in the end, the world didn’t come crashing down.
- Having balance is the solution to everything
-
I can’t tell you how many times my mom had to repeat this for it to stick with me. Everything requires balance. Your social life, schoolwork, what you eat and basically everything else. Life isn’t about extremes; it is about harmony.
- You can always start again
-
We all make mistakes. We all have bad days. Always remember, though, it is never too late to start over. That is the beauty of life. We are always learning from our mistakes and changing as people. Think of each day as a fresh start.
As I close this chapter and step into my twenties, I am reminded that growing up isn’t about having all the answers. It is about staying curious, learning new things and giving yourself grace along the way. Cheers to 20 years down and a lifetime of lessons still to come.