Life is an inevitable journey. No matter how you approach it, we are constantly learning from our experiences.
Just when you believe you have it all figured out, life hits you with a curveball. Rather than letting the hit knock you down, you get up and know how to dodge it next time.
Our experiences shape us, good or bad. Some years are better than others. Now that I am about to be 19 years old, I can successfully recap what my 18th year has taught me. While it was not all sunshine and rainbows, it certainly made me stronger.
In honor of turning 19 in April, here are 18 things I have learned during my long 18th year:
1. Quality over quantity
This may apply to material things. The better quality product you purchase, the less money you will spend. Overall, the best product is worth the same as an abundance of low-quality goods.
However, this also applies to the value of friendships. I spent a lot of my time this year searching desperately for a huge friend group. I would make comments like, “I have no friends,” or “I only have like one friend.”
It took me a while to recognize that one friend is all I need. The appeal of a friend group is unnecessary.
If you have one amazing friend, you do not need to have 20 okay ones. Because overall, one good friend will give you the same amount of love and support as all 20 combined. That is what truly matters.
2. You do not know what you have until it’s gone
This may be a simple saying, but behind it lies the truth. In regards to experiences, people, places, or even things, nothing lasts forever.
This year required a lot of reflection on my amount of gratitude. I spent time looking back, wishing I appreciated moments more. My 18th year taught me that you can not relive memories.
While this seems like a curse, it is also a blessing. The fact forces you to live in the moment and appreciate life’s deeper essence.
Rather than looking back and regretting, I learned to retrain my brain to look forward and live. By live, I mean be more aware.
Appreciate the memories while they are happening, instead of when they’re over.
3. Knowledge is power
All my life, learning felt like a task. Instead of thinking of it as a privilege, my mind considered it a chore. However, heading into a college with 40,000 individuals made me realize that knowledge is the thing what can set me above.
While others sadly do not engage with history, facts, books, writing, politics, science, and all the truths of the world, I want to. I want to read the news, I want to know. Because overall, I do not find obliviousness and an uneducated mind attractive.
Knowledge not only sets you apart, giving you power over others, and grants you opportunity. But it is beautiful. The ability to know and to care about learning is simply beautiful and something I strive to have.
4. Style yourself based on your features
As I have matured enormously this year, my style has changed with it. I found myself growing out of crop tops, piling on makeup, and wearing outfits that do not suit me.
I was expressing this to my friend Julia (who is 22 years old and to me, all knowing). She understood and taught me to start styling myself based on my natural features. She showed me how to do my makeup, emphasizing my natural highlights and face structure.
Ultimately, this enhanced the beauty I already have. It made me not only feel confident, but unique too. Rather than just doing my makeup the way I see on TikTok, I do it the way that suits my face.
Along with my makeup, I began to dress based on my body as well. Rather than buying a shirt because it was trending, I buy shirts because I know the specific lining suits my body type.
Because of this, I feel much more mature and authentic.
5. Observe more
While being the life of the party is always great, quietly sitting back is underrated.
My whole life, I have been talkative and extroverted. This was until my anxiety jolted my extroversion. Instead of viewing my new urge to be silent as a negative thing, I took advantage of it.
I began to talk less and listen more. It is interesting how dynamics change when you stop talking. People either mistake you as oblivious or trust you more.
It is good to stop talking about yourself for a change. By doing so, you learn a lot about other people.
6. Listen to the birds
Life can be hectic at times. Your brain will send you spiraling, and sometimes lead you to feel helpless.
When I am experiencing one of these episodes, I have been going outside to listen to the birds. They are peaceful, they are beautiful and they are always there.
The birds chirping remind us that everything is going to be okay. No matter what is happening, the birds will still sing- and that settles my mind.
7. Be spontaneous
I am an avid over-thinker. I like to plan and have everything go exactly my way. But, that is not life.
I started to do spontaneous things.
Like, for example, my friend and I just randomly went home for a weekend. We were in New York City for a career fair, and urged to take the 2-hour train to my house. While we did not have a change of clothes, or anything for that matter, we just did it. And I am glad I did.
Life does not always go as planned. By trying to control everything, I am setting myself up for disappointment. The reality is, spontaneity is good for you.
We only have one life, and it should not be taken so seriously.
8. You can always make more money
I tend to get stressed out over my financial situation. I have a job, but I am still a college student who loves to spend. I like to spend on products, but also on experiences and gifts for my loved ones.
Limiting is healthy; it is necessary to be stable. But I try to remember that I am still young. Even though I am turning 19 years old, this is the prime time of my life. I do not need to be rich.
When I see something that makes me think of someone I love, I am going to buy it for them. To me, the money I spend is worth it to show them how much I care.
If I want to buy a plane ticket, I am not going to let my financial status affect my decision. Because ultimately, I am only this young and free once. I have all my life to work. But the experiences are rare.
9. do not beg for someone to love you
A huge part of respecting yourself is not begging someone to love you. If they are the right person for you, they will see your beauty. In your flaws, in your mistakes, in your sorrows, they will be there.
Having to ask someone for basic respect is the number one red flag. No matter who it may be, you should beg. It is not worth it. There are people out there who will love you unconditionally without you having to ask them.
10. Your environment shapes you
You always hear people talk about how “you are who you’re friends with.” You adapt to your surroundings and the people in the surroundings,
You do not believe it until you physically feel yourself change. Going to college and the environment of Pennsylvania definitely impacted who I am.
So, before making decisions on relationships and environments, it is crucial to ask yourself if doing so will make you the person you want to become. Or, the opposite, turn you into someone you’re not.
11. Actions are stronger than words
A lot of my life, I spent blindly believing what others told me. While my innocence was pure and sweet, many times it ended up with me feeling hurt.
It is easy to want to listen to what someone is telling you. Our nature is to trust. But sometimes this trust leads us down the wrong paths. When we take off the rose colored glasses, we realize a lot.
Recently, instead of basing my judgment on people’s words, I have observed their actions. Do their words align with the actions they are taking? That question reveals the truth about how much they care and who they are as a person.
12. Your body speaks to you
A lot of thoughts, feelings, and emotions occur in your subconscious mind. Some of them you push back, eager to ignore and pretend they are not there. When we do that for too long, though, our body will react.
You may develop acne, various infections, random stomach issues, or anything abnormal. Before dismissing it as a health issue, reflect on all possibilities. If your body were telling you a message, what would it be? How do you face that problem?
13. Death is inevitable
My whole life, I spent avoiding the thought that my loved ones could pass. It terrified me- and still does- so I did not fathom the day I would lose someone. That is, until I was forced to.
Losing my mampy was a slap in the face of reality. It opened my eyes to life and the mortality of it. And while it is so easy to get caught up in the sorrow of it, we have to recognize its beauty.
My mampy’s life was full, spent fighting in the military, playing sports, providing for his family, woodworking, and driving his truck with his little dog. And it ended with all of his loved ones holding his hand.
So, I learned that death is inevitable, but that is what makes life so valuable. The fact that it ends gives it purpose and makes the little moments all the more special.
Rather than avoiding death, I’m trying to let it motivate me. Motivate me to live in the moment, love the hardest I can, and grasp every opportunity possible- just like my mampy did.
14. embrace uncomfort
A lot of my 18th year was uncomfortable. Standing up in front of a filled arena to give my graduation speech: uncomfortable. Having to completely start my life over in the middle of Pennsylvania: uncomfortable. Go up to recruiters of huge industries as a Freshman at a Junior and Senior filled career fair: well, uncomfortable.
Each of these moments scared me immensely. But after every single one of them, I was proud of myself. I felt complete and content that I was able to take on a challenge.
Change is uncomfortable, failure is uncomfortable, and trying new things is uncomfortable. But the one common denominator is that they all build strength. All of the uncomfortable situations make you stronger and teach you something new.
It is necessary for growth and bettering yourself. So, embrace it.
15. if your relationship is strong, distance won’t ruin it
I am in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. He goes to the University of Arizona, and when I tell people that, they gasp.
I hate it when they gasp. I know they just feel bad that my boyfriend is across the country. But to me, the pity is unnecessary because our relationship remains strong no matter where he is.
If someone loves you, whether it’s a significant other, friend, or family member, distance will not change the depth of your relationship. It may make it harder, but no distance can crush the strength of love.
Because if you care for someone, you will put in effort. Whether you’re next to them or 2,187 miles from them, the love you have will not go away.
If the effort lessens, the relationship was not strong in the first place, and I stand by that.
16. Post whatever makes you happy
More on the cliché side, this past year I’ve been very focused on social media. I started becoming an influencer like maintaining a secret TikTok account and posting whatever I want on my Instagram account.
If you told me a few years ago that I was spamming my Instagram following, I would have gotten second-hand embarrassment. However, I realized, who cares?
Social media is meant so that you can express yourself. It is your platform, and your followers choose to follow you. That said, make it more you. Stop trying to make your platform like everyone else’s.
17. speak up
I used to call myself non-confrontational. And I still am, mostly. But over the past year, I have been trying my best to state my opinion. When I feel disrespected, I say something.
At 18 years old, I finally mustered the courage to stop letting people walk all over me. Others know they can not treat me poorly, because I make it known. That is how it should be.
And if I am in a relationship that makes me feel disrespected, I leave it.
18. Trust your gut
Everyone says this, I know. But tuning in to your true feelings and listening to them will change your life.
If you have a bad feeling about something, avoid it. If you have a good feeling about something, embrace it. This rule applies even if you have no logic to back your feelings.
Simply claiming that you “have a bad feeling,” or “because I feel good about it,” is reasoning enough. You know yourself best; do not allow anyone to make you question your decisions.
Overall, my 18th year was certainly my most eventful. I hope I can use some personal experiences to teach others some lessons about life’s principles.
I can not call it a great year, but I can not say it was horrible either. All I can confidently say is that I learned from it. But because of the best and the worst moments, I am a stronger person.