Let’s take a minute and pretend: You’re in college, being single is what you want. You’d rather focus on your work, your friends, etc, but sometimes you meet someone who doesn’t quite understand that. The first time this happens you’re young and naive; they’re just being really nice! Maybe you start to feel you should go back on the decision you made for yourself and give them a try. Hey, you hang out enough you might as well date! This doesn’t work– it never does. You never seem to be able to invest the same amount they’re investing. You’ve lost a friend. The year(s) goes on and you meet someone new. They like you, but you know how that always ends. So, you assert yourself. You make it clear that you’re not interested in dating and it’s smooth sailing from there… or so you thought. Your boundaries seem to never be respected, you always seem to be turned into a villain, and feelings always seem to get hurt.
There’s a common story I’ve found with people, women especially, my age. Friends that have clear and honest intentions will often try and push out of the “friendzone” either too intensely or too often. So, on behalf of my friends and fellow humans who have had to deal with those who have pushed against an obvious pull, I am telling those who are relentless in their pursuits to PLEASE STOP!
Human communication is one huge grey area; we only know what we perceive. Even with Webster’s at your fingertips and a perfectly constructed monologue, a simple hand gesture may skew the intended message. It’s confusing! Still, this is no excuse for the a) emotional guilt or b) degradation that is put on those who don’t want what the other person wants.
If you make yourself clear then there should be no confusion about your intentions. If someone is not 100% on just being friends it becomes their responsibility to deal with their feelings. Now, the idea of creating a romantic partnership over a romantic one warrants a conversation. This conversation does not mean that one person owes the other a romantic relationship; Having this conversation simply means that distinctions will be drawn. If both are reciprocating the same feelings, a relationship occurs! If one person is hesitant but definitely likes the other person, the other person should respect their boundaries and proceed with caution! If one of the people involved does not reciprocate the feeling of intimacy, the other person should not get angry and offended, but rather, they should be glad that they know the true feeling’s and can move on before their feelings become too much to deal with.
At the end of the day, please do not relentlessly push against another person’s wishes. Especially if their wishes have been explicitly stated. Don’t make it harder for yourself, no one likes having to have the same conversation over and over again.