Suicide is a very delicate topic. With the recent popularity of a newer show on Netflix, it has also been a hot topic for discussion. Because of this, we decided to release an article on this very controversial issue to show how serious it truly is. Two of our brave writers told their stories to show how suicide is not a concept to be glamorized or romanticized, but still one to be taken extremely seriously. Please note that the content below may be unsettling, so please proceed carefully.
Anonymous 1:
Depression is the feeling of severe despondency and dejection. It is also a mental illness that about 7% of the American population is diagnosed with. Personally, I do not believe in depression. I do not believe that there are people who are sad enough to waste their life away. I do not believe that “being depressed” is a reason to forget about responsibilities. However, I also think that I am the only clinically depressed person who feels this way.
When I was 11 years old, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and I was told I was clinically depressed. I guess mixing family issues, bullying and terrible self-esteem was pretty toxic. I went to a therapist for about 4 months and at that time, she wanted to prescribe me medications, even though I was younger than most of the patients they usually prescribed medications to. My mother worked at the hospital that I went to and she believed that medications for mental illness were fake and that people who suffered from anxiety and depression could deal with it themselves, so I did.
At 12 years old, I tried to commit suicide for the first time. I took about 20 sleeping pills and for some reason, the only thing that happened was I fell asleep for a very long time. When you hear stories about people killing themselves, something dramatic usually happens. For me, there were no big event that brought me to my decision. I sat in my room listening to Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and just decided.
At 16 years old, I thought that that was just a phase. But something changed in my life and I started living a whole new one. I played sports, I dated hot guys, I was getting good grades and I was living the stereotypical high school life. I wouldn’t necessarily say I was happy, but I was content. I was content with knowing how to hide and camouflage me depression.
I am now 20 years old and this has changed. I am not in high school. I cannot distract myself the way I could before. The funny thing is, that if you ask anyone I know they would tell you I am the most positive, happiest, silliest person you will ever meet. What you learn as you get older is that nothing is as bad as your think. When I was 12 and I took those pills, I thought nothing could be worse than my life, even death. Obviously that was not the case and I am so grateful that nothing serious happened to me that night. Now, the idea of death scares me and I have no idea how I gained the courage to swallow those pills.
My advice to anyone who deals with what I dealt with is be patient. It is hard and there are definitely still times where I lay in bed and get sad and drink an entire bottle of alcohol and listen to Secondhand Serenade and cry, but just believe that nothing is worth you taking your own life. Think about all the things you have dealt with in your life and realize that those events only take up about a fifth of your life. You have so much time to be anyone you want.
I was once a sad, emo kid. I drank everyday and constantly did terrible things before I even started high school. I am now someone who excels in school. I am someone who has taken on multiple leadership positions in multiple different organizations. I am someone who others look up to. You can do that too. As Walt Disney once said, “Just Keep Moving Forward”.
Anonymous 2:
**disclaimer before I start. My thoughts on the matter are strictly my own based on my own experiences. I am by no means a professional on the matter!
Suicide. It’s a big big word. Even if the word was 1000 letters long, it wouldn’t be large enough to understand what it really means. Everyones experience with this word is different. Some can joke about it, others cannot even hear the word without tearing up. With suicide being the 10th leading cause of death in the United States, far too many people know someone who committed suicide. As the popularity of the show Thirteen Reasons Why grows, people are starting to talk about something that is usually kept quiet. While I think the discussion is important, I don’t think the discussion is all good. But don’t worry… this isn’t an article about the TV show because I am even sick of reading that. This is my story about depression and suicide.
I attempted to commit suicide twice. It is weird to read that because I have been living the past four years like it didn’t even happen. But four years ago my life was completely different. Depression has run in my family for a long time. I did have a rough upbringing. I dealt with violence, abuse and neglect. It never really bugged me, mostly because my brain had basically forgotten it as a way to cope. I was an outgoing child and a social teenager. I was in clubs and had lots of friends. I went to high school dances and dated boys. I was a normal teenager.
For some reason that changed during my junior year of high school. Just because someone is more genetically prone to depression does not mean they will become depressed, it is usually triggered by a major life event. During my junior year my adopted parents got divorced and I got in contact with my biological father for the first time. For some reason these events caused a shift in my life. All of a sudden I was beginning to remember things from my childhood. It was mostly through nightmares. This caused me to spiral into depression. Depression is hard, probably the hardest thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t feel anything, and I started withdrawing from my friends.
I can’t exactly remember when I went from depressed to suicidal. I started cutting my thighs but I didn’t do that to kill myself, I just wanted to feel something. I just felt so alone, despite being surrounded by lots of people who love me. It was like there was a film over my life separating me from my friends, family, and everything that made me happy. I won’t go into horrible detail, but I did try to kill myself twice. After the first attempt, I was put into an in-treatment teenage facility. I was out of that treatment a few times. One thing I can honestly say about anyone with depression is that no one can be helped unless they want to be helped. I did not want to be helped. It took nearly a year for me to want to be helped. I was eventually taken out of high school completely and put into an out-treatment facility. When I finally wanted to get help, the treatments were very beneficial and taught me ways to deal with my emotions.
The reason why I don’t necessarily like the recent buzz about suicide is because it is glorified as a revenge tool. A way to get back at someone for bullying you and hurting you. Also, suicide cannot be broken down into thirteen reasons. It is complex, I could not tell you why I attempted, I probably couldn’t even break it down into a hundred reason if I had too. Suicide is the effect of a mental illness. Mental illness needs more awareness to help prevent suicide. People don’t normally go from being happy to being suicidal the next day. There is often a large period of depression, anxiety or another mental illness.
It does get better. It’s cliche, I know, but it really does. I never imagined I would be able to live a normal life again but I am. My depression did not magically go away. I still deal with it, but I now know healthy ways to cope when I get into my moods. I also frequently see a therapist who I can talk to about literally anything.
If you are going through depression you are not alone, I promise. If you want to get help, it’s available and waiting for you. Penn State Behrend has a wonderful personal counseling office. Their website is http://behrend.psu.edu/student-life/student-services/personal-counseling . You can also call the national suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255.
Learn the signs of suicide at http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/suicide/basics/symptoms/con-20033954
If someone you know mentions suicide, please take it seriously. Get them help. They may be mad at you but that is much better than wishing you had told someone.