So I recently watched a video where real, professional actors had to read outrageous yelp reviews and I must say it was the best 20 minutes of my life. And because I bet most of you don’t want to spend your day watching people act the yelp reviews out, I figured reading the yelp reviews would suffice.
To begin I wanted to share with you guys my all time favorite review. I hope you can mentally prepare yourself for this one because i must say, it is truly a gift from God:
Now while loving every second of reading this I have to ask… Does she like the food or not? I mean yeah she gave it 5 stars but she also says it “incinerated everything in (her) intestines.” I really just can’t tell if that’s what she wanted to happen or if the food was just so good she didn’t mind the fact it made her “pee out (her) butt.”
This next one should make you think twice before getting frustrated with your wait on food:
Now I think this review was written specifically to make all of the yelp readers’ entire days. I personally relate to the wait staff because can’t we all agree that ice cream is about a million times more important than any matter of work?! Like duh. So next time you hear that wonderful jingle driving down the street, grab that two bucks, and get that ice cream cone, Treat Yo Self!
Now the next review makes me picture a real food addict whose whole life revolves around their food, so basically all of us.
I mean isn’t this the type of excitement we aspire to have when we imagine our next trip to a restaurant. Just picture Jenny T saying this, she is so giddy over her crawfish she can hardly contain it… lol
While this one may happen to be an amazon review opposed to a yelp review, it needed to be shared with you guys because of the evident stupidity of this father:
Like, REALLY? You couldn’t just throw it away? Also, what possessed you to buy this creepy psycho looking toy for your innocent child? What did she ever do to you to deserve a toy created by Satan himself? Was it necessary for u to buy a tiny little talking stuffed animal for 49 euros which is over 50 US dollars? All that needs to be said is, how did a toy that made you resort to dumping it in a canal earn 4 out of 5 stars?!
Well grab your tissues because this one might bring tears:
I mean all the man wanted was a judgment free liquor/drug store. And due to an extremely tragic fire he has to hop on his stolen bike and peddle the long journey ALL the way across town to the other store. I mean when it’s 10 in the morning and you just want some whiskey do you really want the cashier rolling their eyes at you and passing judgemental and snarky looks? I don’t think so!!!
Well I think it’s pretty clear that we could spend more than a few weeks reflecting on the great American treasures that are Yelp reviews. HOWEVER, ain’t nobody got time for that. I hope you can appreciate my top 5 favorite reviews and may you one day have the honorary title of Elite Yelp reviewer
Photo Credits: yelp.com and amazon.com