I understand that this response may feel overdue. The election was over a week ago, and I am sure many readers are tired of the copious amount of angry, sad, and confused social media posts. I wrote this piece 24 hours after the election. It took me 24 hours to process the current state of my country. Please note that this post is not meant to direct hate towards any group or individual. I understand that not every Republican voter has these ideologies. I wrote this piece out of sadness and terror. These are my personal feelings and thoughts.
Why try?
Before I cared. Before I thought that if I worked hard enough, I could prove something to someone. Someone? Men? Society? I don’t really know. But I thought I was different. I thought that for some odd reason I wasn’t part of the stereotype. But now I know and feel that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how I look. Or how smart I am. Or how hard I try to fight that stereotype. There are over a billion people in this country that only think of me as that. As that girl. Oh that girl. Look at her trying hard in school. But unfortunately she will never amount to that strong, smart boy sitting next to her. She is just a placeholder for our sexual desires.
I feel like I am worth nothing. I can’t help but wonder as I walk around campus, what does that boy who’s looking at me from across the cafeteria think? Does he think I am cute? Or does he picture me as a sexual object that has never been equal to him? Am I just that girl from across the room that he hopes will pleasure him, but not challenge his masculinity?
As I write this, I am simultaneously ordering a rape whistle and pepper spray. Why? Was I just unaware of reality before? Pretending that life was all sprinkles and fairy dust? No, but unfortunately I thought the majority of the male population was better than that. And I don’t mean to accuse all men of this. I hope there are men who are disgusted with the current state of our country. But I have to think of the other millions of men who voted and endorsed sexual assault, and the discrimination of women, among many other minorities. To those men I ask why? I ask my next door neighbor. I ask the man who sold me my groceries this afternoon. To my grandfather, who has always supported my efforts as a young women. Constantly assuring me that I could do anything I wanted to, and that I had become a well respected, smart, young women. To him I ask, why? Did you think of me when you casted your vote? Did you think of your only two granddaughters, growing up in a world, where they live in constant fear? Did you think of the repercussions of allowing a man who has publicly endorsed sexual assault? That he had allowed the entire country to look at your granddaughters and assume that they are solely sexual objects, purely meant to be used at anyone’s leisure? Because when I think about how my grandfather, the one who used to pick me up from school, and tell me how smart I was, is the same grandfather that has now directly voted into a misogynistic power, I have lost all hope. Why should I even try to prove to the rest of my country that I am capable and should be respected, when those in my inner circle have just placed their doubt and distrust in me?