College is one of the biggest periods of personal growth and discovery in a person’s life. We all enter college feeling some type of way, either completely undecided with no set path or with your entire four years planned out to the millisecond. I definitely fell into the second category. For as long as I can remember I always knew that I would go to college, and for just about that whole time I knew I’d be going to school to become a teacher. As a senior I’ve stayed loyal to my program and my plan, so feeling real uncertainty for the first time this past summer was certainly not anything I was prepared for.
I still love teaching and could absolutely see myself having a perfectly pleasant life as a teacher. But that’s just it: it’d be a perfectly pleasant life. Not an exciting nor necessarily fulfilling life. I find myself dreaming of bigger things, yearning for cities with fast-paced environments, thinking of what my reality would be if I hadn’t been scared to pursue a less stable career, dreaming of having a job that feeds my creative soul.
In high school I always dreamed of going to school in NYC, but that was just never going to be a possibility for me unfortunately. Not because I didn’t have the skill or determination to get into a school there, but because I never would have been able to afford to go even if I got accepted. This is often the sad reality that many of us have to face during our college search. Going to college is incredibly expensive and when you don’t come from a lot of money you can’t stand the thought of all that money potentially going to waste if you can’t find a job. So we go to school for stable careers like teachers, nurses, doctors, lawyers or engineers, convincing ourselves that those are our passions until we forget about our past dreams.
I always wanted to be a writer or a journalist, but it just seemed like such a far-fetched idea that I’d never be able to achieve. I think joining Her Campus and having the opportunity to write articles and feel passionate about writing again has helped me remember the dreams I had in high school. I’ve stepped into the water and gotten my feet wet again and it feels like reuniting with an old friend.
At first, I felt so much fear and shame that I was feeling not as confident in my career choices as I once was. Now I realize that this is what college, and your twenties are all about. We’re meant to change our minds. This time is where you should explore everything. Pick up that instrument you’ve always loved, travel to that city, take the unique job opportunity, move around, have fun, be messy and most importantly make memories.
So, do I have a complete idea of what I want to do after college? No. Am I going to change my major? Also no. What I can tell you is that I’m going to take every new opportunity that comes my way, I’m going to continue to develop my writing skills and perhaps even explore other creative avenues and see what happens. Very soon I get to conduct educational research so I’ll be able to explore another avenue for my degree. I’m also going to give myself grace and remind myself that I’m only 20 years old. It’s perfectly fine to not have it all figured out!
Don’t be afraid to change your mind and go off the plan you’ve had mapped out since you were 10 years old. I always say everything happens for a reason and that if something is meant for you it will find its way into your life in one way or another. Hopefully this helps you feel less alone and less scared about feeling uncertainty in college, because trust me we all feel it at one point or another!