So, I have been provided with the amazing opportunity to give my opinions and parody the educational concentrations at the University of Pittsburgh. Thank goodness, too, because I’m one of the most opinionated people you’ll ever meet. I’ve compiled a list of majors with their corresponding forms of exercise, full of hot takes and assumptions. Just so you know, I will be taking no criticism at this time. Please enjoy.
Listen, I don’t know much, but I do know that I know how to communicate. In any form, too – it’s my bread and butter. So, I’ve got communication majors down stat. Communication is one of the oldest fields, almost as old as evolution. And what is as old as evolution? Walking. Y’all are walkers and don’t even deny it. However, I am aware that the field of communication has *evolved* since the beginning of time, so I’m going to say that y’all like to do the 15-3-30 walking challenge. I know y’all get a good sweat while walking on an incline at a brisk pace, and for that I commend you. Combining an ancient form of cardio with the innovation of a treadmill. Incredible.
Based on both personal encounters and hearsay, engineers are intense. That’s why they are intensive cardio; specifically, biking or triathlon training. I know y’all love the adrenaline rush of a good cardio workout, and love how short of a time it takes you because y’all need to get back to the books. I haven’t met a chill engineer, nor a chill biker. This is my hot take of the day, and I’m sticking to it.
- Biology & Chemistry
I don’t know much about bodybuilding or even biology, but I do know this makes sense. Immediately. Oh, you’re studying the breakdown of macromolecules? Well guess what, bodybuilding and building muscles is simply a process in which you are depleting your sources of glycogen to PUMP THAT IRON. Plus, bodybuilding comes with a sort of intensity that I have only seen in pre-med kids.
- Political Science
Delegation of policy and regulations: do I hear gatekeeping the free weights at the gym, anyone? Political science people definitely have some strong opinions (whether good or bad) and I think that relates to people who only use free weights to lift. There is a sort of intimidation inherent in collecting all the weights one needs for a particular workout, and I find some parallel in that to political science majors. I can’t explain it, it just makes sense. Political science = hammer curls and Bulgarian split squats, specifically with free weights.
- Anthropology & Studio Arts
Yoga and meditation for people that are interested in studying other mediums, avenues and cultures. I think that the ability to immerse oneself into one’s studies is a characteristic of people that pursue anthropology and studio arts. Like, just being in those concentrations allows personal exploration of non-Western or even just non-mainstream lifestyle habits, and I think that is reflective of yoga and meditation. They are proven to be really good for your mental, physical and social health, so honestly, more power to you.
- Geology & Environmental Science
Long walks amid outcrops, or really just hiking in general. This is the only thing that makes sense for geology and environmental science majors, like have you ever talked to someone within either of those fields? It’s rock city all the time. Rocks are always on the mind! Very granola-y people, so if we are generalizing (which we are) a little dash outdoors is the perfect exercise.
Psychology majors can throw it back. It’s like that Doja Cat verse, “Can’t trust a big butt and a Gemini,” except instead of talking non-stop (a Gemini trait of course), they psychoanalyze your conversations nonstop. Don’t worry though, psychology majors aren’t boring in their butt workouts, there is definitely VARIETY. I’m talking sumo, jump, flying, barbell, Bulgarian, goblet and even wall. Squats are the game, and psychology major is the name. It only makes sense for Freud to have a fat a**. You cannot argue with me on this. It. Just. Makes. Sense.
You think education majors are not going to get their stress out to Pitbull and Beyonce? WRONG. Education majors do Zumba and pop-drop-and-lock-it like you have never seen before. It’s a combination of an old folks home dance special and a dance circle from your middle school homecoming. These folks have the energy of the children they work with, and they are going to show off those “moves.” Whether it’s 90’s throwbacks or simply throwing it back, they are going to bring the energy.