Dear Crush,
At the beginning, things were happy. You were the newest present in my life, and though the feeling was unexpected, it made almost every other aspect of my life lighter. I finally had a reason to get dolled up in the morning and a reason to love going to class. We would often have good talks and it would make my day brighter. Even better, if I could make you laugh, my giddiness would last for a week. Then things began to get more bittersweet when I realized that you only saw me as a friend, being treated like one of the boys. I’m not the desperate type, nor am I the type to wallow, so I accepted it. As long as I get to talk to you and be your friend, then that’s all that matters. At least, that was how it was in the beginning.
Dear Crush,
I lied about being okay with just being your friend. Now, I’m starting to want more, but reality punches me when I realize that unless I step up my game that won’t happen. However, I’m not good at flirting. In fact, coming from an all girl’s school, I’m still getting the hang of talking to boys. At the same time, I’m perfectly okay with the fact that I’m not good at those things. I’d rather have your respect than seem like someone who’s easy. Still, why do you have to have such an adorable goofy smile? And your hair. I just want to run my hand through it. Okay, maybe that’s a bit weird, but these are just some of the things you’ll never know. The frustration is building and it doesn’t seem like you’ll look at me anytime soon.
Dear Crush,
Please stop being so nice to me. I’ve decided that it’s time to move on. No, don’t even smile at me. There’s a reason why I’ve been avoiding eye contact. Stop reeling me back in, I need to let go. Why do you have to be in the same class as me at such a small school? It is pure torture wanting something I can’t have. I wish you weren’t so dense, I wish I was prettier, I wish you’d see me as a woman, but then again, I wish for so many things. These wishes won’t come true. All I can do is distract myself enough to sleep at night and avoid your gaze. Either see me, or leave me because it’s draining to have feelings for someone as unattainable as you. The thing that makes it so much worse is the voice in the back of my head: Being just friends with you hurts.
XOXO,
Every Girl Who’s Ever Had an Unrequited Love <3
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