Loving another person is challenging. It requires commitment, patience, and like most things in life, a little bit of luck. One odd claim I often hear about love is that it also requires sacrifice. Literally, I’ve heard people utter the words “Love requires sacrifice,” as if you have never loved until you have totally compromised yourself in one way or another. I understand how a parent needs to make sacrifices for their child, but that’s a different kind of love. But love does not, and should not, require sacrifice. Take this tip from RuPaul Charles: “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else?”
Try and grasp the subtleties of loving yourself. Don’t get it confused with being selfish, greedy or arrogant. Loving yourself means you are taking care of yourself, so that you can be the best version of yourself. Being your best means being present and available for those who need you, including yourself. Love is not destructive, nor does it take things away. Love is a gift that keeps giving, as you have something to offer in return. It is a healthy compromise.
In my first relationship, all my time was spent being with the person I was dating. Sitting in their bed every night, I would stress over other things I could be doing, such as my homework or spending time on my different hobbies. I also had other friends that would always complain that they never got to see me anymore. When I would sit there stewing in this stress, I could never be the person my partner needed me to be. I had run out of things to offer, because I had given up on the things that gave me value.
I learned a few things from this relationship. It’s a common opinion that you should not be expected to change yourself for someone else, but this relationship revealed to me just how sneaky self-sacrifice can be. Our sacrifices are subliminal, shrouded in the love we have for another person. Love is so strong that it drives people to abandon themselves when nobody asked them to. It has its parasitic hold on anyone lucky enough to be caught.
Be very mindful of how much you give away before you give your entire self. I always catch lovers slipping up, mistaking love for some sort of sacrificial ritual. Before you offer yourself, ask the question, “Am I all here?”