TW: Mentions of body dysmorphia and eating disorders.
Growing up, I have always struggled with my body image. Whether it was thinking I was too thin, too fat, too short, or too tall, it seemed as if there was always something wrong with my body. As a result of this, I developed a toxic relationship with food and became obsessed with diets and different food fads. In the end, all this did was ruin my relationship with food. Once I became conscious of this fact, however, I began taking small steps to try and change the way I viewed food and eating. I would also like to add that this was not quite a fix. This process took years and even now, is something I still struggle with at times.
Where it all began:
I first realized that I needed change when I decided to switch to a vegetarian diet in 2020. Though a vegetarian diet is great for some people, I would say that because of the restrictive nature of this lifestyle, I quickly developed a pattern of disordered eating. This is when I began to realize I was not okay as my body became sickly. However, this awareness was not enough because I did not start taking steps to heal my relationship with food until about a year later.
What is body neutrality?
Body neutrality is when one takes a neutral stance towards their body. A body is just a body, you do not need to excessively celebrate it or have a deep hatred for it because it just is.
During my first semester of college, I learned about body neutrality and started applying that to my everyday life. I did not count calories, nor shame myself whenever I ate junk food, I did not praise myself for eating healthy. I began listening to my body’s natural cues. It was around this time I noticed substantial changes in my body oddly enough. As a result of becoming in tune with my body, I did not have such a strong urge to binge because I was not restricting myself from the food my body craved.
Where I am now:
As of now, I have completely healed my relationship with food. I have days where maybe I will eat a lot of processed or sweet foods and have that inner voice that wants to beat myself up but I just always remind myself that I deserve to eat without guilt. The more I have restricted myself the more I end up craving that thing. Healing your relationship with food is a journey for sure, but one I view as necessary. With small steps every day you can too!