If you are like me, you may have struggled for the longest time with coming to terms with your sexuality whether it be due to the environment you grew up in, society in general, or even your own internalized thoughts. For me, I knew I was bisexual in 2019 when I was 17 years old, but I would say I didn’t fully become comfortable with who I was and fully out until 2023, at the age of 21. Going into 2024 I probably feel the most confident I have ever been with being out, but I know that others might not feel the same yet. Which is why I want to offer some ways on how you can be comfortable no matter your sexual orientation.
Journal How You Feel About Your Sexuality:
Sexuality is something that can be a process to come to, but writing can be a way to help you with understanding who you are. Especially when you journal, because you are allowing yourself the time to process your thoughts and feelings. Some individuals might not have the ability to talk to someone on how they are feeling or may just not feel ready to, so journaling is a way to help start being comfortable with that part of yourself.
There are also different outlets to journal. Some may do it by writing in a physical journal, some may do it online in a Google Doc or Word Doc, or some might even use apps such as Notes. For my own experience of journaling, I tended to use the Notes application on my iPhone as I was able to not only access it anywhere at any time, but it was also more secure than a physical journal for me.
As time goes on and if you start to become more comfortable with your sexuality, your journal entries or writing can also be shown as your progress. As it can serve as a timeline of how far you have come since the start of your journey. So, overall it is a way I recommend to try if you would like to start to become comfortable with your sexuality.
Try to Surround Yourself with Others Who Either Identify in The Community or are Allies:
Although all these ways can be beneficial to become comfortable with your sexuality, I would say this one you should try to focus more on. This is because when you start finding more people who are accepting of the LGBTQ+ community, you have a bigger circle of friends and peers to lean on or talk to.
In my experience, I grew up in a smaller area with more conservative views. Although I’ve started to notice some small improvements here and there in my hometown area accepting others as they are, it still is not at the height where many might feel they could come out or just feel comfortable with their sexuality, without consequences from family, friends, or others. During my time in high school I did have a few friends from the community, but it wasn’t until I moved away to college that others, who were a part of the community and ones who were accepting, grew in my circle.
Given my own experience, I know others might feel the same regarding their environment they grew up in, but wonder how to start to surround yourself with ones who will help you be more comfortable. For myself, I often would pay attention to how others would talk about the community and also sometimes even ask questions to determine their thoughts.
In regards to watching how one would talk about the community, I would not only pay attention to who was commenting but also to anyone who might respond. For example, if someone was to make a homophobic comment, I would tend to see if anyone would respond against it, to unveil an individual that I could feel comfortable around talking about my sexuality if it came up. As for questions, I will tend to straightforwardly ask how they feel about the community or bring up issues against the community such as legislation to see how an individual feels. Some might think observing so much and asking questions might be too much, but it can also help identify who we should surround ourselves with to feel comfortable with our sexuality, as well as grow our own circle of friends.
Look Into History, Media, and Pop Culture:
This piece of advice helps more in the sense you can feel seen in your sexuality and learn about what has come in the community as a whole. In the new age of the internet or how individuals could have been raised, some tend to believe sexuality and the LGBTQ+ community is a “trend” or a “phase,” however that is not true. The community and different sexual orientations have always been around, it has just in recent times become more accepted and taken more seriously. So although some will want to believe this is new for their own narrative, it is not, the community and your sexual orientation have always been there, it is not simply a temporary trend or phase.
Given that it has always been there and it still is today, there are many ways to notice that. Such as when we look into history. There are many books we can look into and informational pages that go back to the 1800s when it was first coming to light. Obviously, in the 1800s this was still not a time of acceptance, but others were finally seeing that sexual orientation was a thing that was present. Such as Matthew Tomilson, a Yorkshire farmer who wrote on how same-sex attraction was a natural human tendency because they were created that way by the “creator,” who would be God. Tomilson would argue that these individuals should not be punished because they were created that way, so it would be going against their lord’s nature to punish one on their sexuality. This was a time as well where religion was heavily put into morals and governing of the people than today’s time.
To learn more on Tomilson’s story, you can go to BBC News’ Sean Coughlan’s article, The 200-year-old-diary that’s rewriting gay history. Besides this story I also recommend reading these articles listed below that are very helpful in learning more on the history from the past to today in the community. Learning about the history of the community can also help being comfortable with your sexuality, as it may help you see that for centuries these rights were being fought for.:
Media and pop culture are other ways to become more comfortable with your sexuality. When we might see our favorite artist, actor, journalist, influencer, writer, shows, movies, and other forms of media and pop culture come out, declare allyship, or talk about the community it can help us feel more comfortable with accepting our own sexuality. In recent times we might have seen this become more popular as pop culture is taking the community and sexuality as a whole to be more accepted and including them more in storylines, lyrics, and more. Taking in some pop culture and media can also bring another positive too to being comfortable; that is it can educate and bring to light the hardships the community faces as well. I have provided a list below of links on examples of media and ways media and pop culture has helped with the LGBTQ+ community or brought to light their struggles, which could help others be seen or educated:
Look Into Organizations And Get Involved:
The last piece of advice I have to feel more comfortable with your sexuality is to look into organizations and get involved either in organizations, clubs, or events within your own community or beyond. Helping raise money, awareness, or starting events could be ways to help you feel comfortable as you are getting involved in the community and helping others. By doing this you can grow your circle and build your support not only for yourself, but for others who could also be in the same situation. Below, I’ve included some organizations that you could get involved with or look into (These Organizations are mainly New York or Nationally Based):
As I close this piece, I hope that if you are struggling with being comfortable in your sexuality that some of these ways might help you out. Though a reminder, beyond just these examples I’ve given, there are other ways to be more comfortable. Just remember that at the end of the day your sexuality and where you are in the community is valid, no matter what anyone else says. Finally, remember that becoming comfortable and confident in your sexuality is a process, so do not be discouraged by your timeline, every individual has their own path.