I used to think that getting a guy to choose me could fill the emptiness I didn’t understand within myself. Maybe I would feel complete, worthy, and like I was on track. I would see everyone around me and think I was behind – that I wasn’t good enough. I thought I’d have to settle to fit the timeline everyone else supposedly had. But the more I tried to fit the timeline, the more I lost myself – the person you have to love first.
I have had experiences within relationships that I wish everyone could have. Sweet notes, surprises, bouquets on end, simple compliments that make you feel alive; a gentle love that keeps you cheesin’. However, I’ve had experiences within relationships that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. And, while I’m not a poet, I do know that the most emotionally mature thing you can do is stop trying to convince someone to give you what they’ve already shown you they won’t.
For a while, I let these experiences shape who I was and define my worth. I was constantly wondering why I wasn’t good enough – why it couldn’t be me. I was so focused on these things that I looked past what I wanted, what I deserved, and most importantly, who I was going to come out as on the other side.
Growing through the wrong turns
As I stepped into college, I began to realize that growing into yourself isn’t always a straight path. I am here to admit I have made questionable decisions, let my emotions get the best of me, and unfortunately, I have welcomed people into my life that only left me more confused. I’m sure many of us can relate, and I think that’s one of the beautiful things about girlhood. We can all help each other through the lessons we have learned, just how I am trying to do now. It is never too late to turn your life around and view it from a different side. Along with relationships, it’s never too late to change your major, try a new hobby or even a new style. Life is all about perspective and how you grow from the adversity thrown at you.
There is no timeline
Learning to not treat your life like a scoreboard is one of the most important things you can do. It is so easy – and natural – to see another relationship and instantly wonder why that’s not you. Everyone’s timing is different, and we are all living this life for the first time. There is no perfect schedule to love, and every answer doesn’t need to be figured out. We are all learning, making mistakes, and finding answers to experiences.
So, with my perspective shared and every piece of advice I can offer, let me leave you with one final thought: do not settle just because you’re tired of waiting. You’re allowed to take your time, change your mind and find your way back to yourself.