I know the story. You’re talking with your girlfriends about what you want in a partner, and someone rolls their eyes and says something along the lines of, “you’re looking for too much”, or “that’s unrealistic”. Honestly? They’re probably wrong. (There are some exceptions, some of y’all are crazy. But hey, maybe it’ll work.) Expecting a partner that makes you feel loved, appreciated, and tended to might seem like an impossible dream, but I promise, it’s out there. Sometimes, it’s in the ways you least expect.
You might be saying, “Kate. I have been in situationship after situationship, bad person after bad person, and I still can’t find the one for me. Where is all this faith coming from?” I’ll tell you, it’s not from a partner of my own. However, I have had the wonderful example of my parents my entire life to show me what I should expect.
I know my situation isn’t like everyone else, but my whole life, I have watched my mom and dad love each other so deeply, and care for each other day in and day out. When me and my sisters ask them about it, they love to remind us that they haven’t been without their hardships, but that they always worked on their relationship, and let me tell you, it shows. I can vividly remember them dancing around the kitchen after dinner, comforting the other after a hard day, and taking care of each other no matter what. They’ve had their own fairy-tale love story, and I know that I want something just like it.
Okay, that sounds great, but what do you do to get there? Well, first off, I have to remind you that my parents have been married for more than 20 years and knew each other longer than that, so you might not get this right away. So what should you do instead? That’s easy for me to answer. Become comfortable with yourself and being single. Does this sound extremely counter-intuitive? Sure. But long term, the way you will be happiest is building a life for yourself that you love, that you cherish, so that you’re no longer focused on other people.
“Kate, I thought this article was about finding your person. What do you mean, find yourself?” While running the risk of sounding cliche, falling in love with yourself is a guaranteed way to both be happiest in life, and also to attract the best person to you (if that’s your end goal, of course). Think about it: if you are putting the best energy into the world, and create this standard for your life, you’re more likely to only let in the people who make your life better. By prioritizing your wellness and creating a measure by which everything else must reach, you guarantee that if you do start dating someone, they add to your life, and help you find that rom-com love you are looking for.
As someone who is single right now, I know that investing in myself and my lifestyle is only going to make me happier in the future. Also, I know this sounds scary, but I’m okay with being alone for five, ten, twenty years, even for the rest of my life, if it means that the only romantic partner I might entertain would be someone who truly makes me happy. I know it sounds really hard to do this, especially since we are starting to get into cuffing season. Do I wish that I had someone to share hot chocolate with, do a couples costume with, and cuddle up with on the couch? Sure, a little. But also, there is no one in my life that I can see myself doing that with, or give up the happiness I bring myself every day.
I know everyone says it, but it really does work. Go take yourself on dates, dress up for every day, buy yourself flowers, and make yourself fun dinners that you look forward to. The love you show yourself will show you the love you should expect from others.