Self-care is so important, and that includes a variety of things. Your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being are in your hands, and it is vital that you make a conscious effort to keep things in balance. One aspect of this is maintaining healthy relationships, and not allowing the negativity and cynicism of others seep into your daily life. You should not feel guilty for ending toxic relationships to improve your own well-being.
I’m a firm believer in the idea that everything happens for a reason. Everywhere you go, everyone you meet, and each decision you make all work together in some sort of cosmic alliance that shapes the path your life will take. I do not think it is by chance that certain individuals walk into your life, or contrarily that relationships end and people leave.
You learn a little bit about the world and about yourself from everyone you meet, and you leave a little bit of yourself with others when you walk away. Friendships and people come and go because sometimes relationships are only meant to last a season, not a lifetime. Think about how your friendships have evolved as you matured through grade school, college, and everything in-between. There may be one or two constants that have stayed by your side throughout it all, but generally, people grow and change and drift apart as they enter different phases of their lives.
With that knowledge, it’s important to remember that you do not have to tolerate negative, toxic individuals. Nobody wants to be disliked, and so we generally choose not to disappoint or upset people if we don’t have to. Often times, this means sacrificing our own happiness for the sake of others, putting our needs last because of some reason or another.
But it’s important to remember what a true friend is. It is someone who lifts you up, who genuinely celebrates your successes and provides a shoulder to cry on during the tough times. These individuals care about your well-being and would never intentionally try to hurt you or bring you down. Granted, nobody is perfect, and we do hurt each other sometimes, intentionally or not. You have to recognize those “friends” that you have; the ones that give you backhanded compliments, that only talk about themselves, or that point out your flaws and make you feel bad about yourself. These are the toxic people that you do not need to associate yourself with. You should not feel guilty for removing someone from your life if they only bring you down, no matter your history with this individual.
An important aspect of self-care is removing toxic relationships from your life. This is not an easy thing to do, because we often tend to care about the individuals in our lives. However, that does not mean that you have to tolerate negative or malicious individuals just because you care about him or her. You have to put yourself first, and you should not feel guilty for that. If you don’t take care of yourself, who else will? You are your most important advocate, and only you can truly know what is best for yourself.
Cutting off communications with someone does not mean that they will never be in your life again. I know this firsthand; I walked away from a friend that continually lied to me time and time again, even after I confronted her about it. Honesty is something I value extremely highly, and it hurt me to see her continually disregard what I was saying. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, but I stopped talking to her, hanging out with her, texting, calling, etc. A few years later, after we had both gone to college and matured a bit, we reconnected. She grew up, I grew up, and now she is one of my best friends, who I can always count on. However, we needed that time apart, because we reached a point in our lives where we just were not compatible anymore. Just because you love somebody does not mean that you have a healthy relationship. You can love someone and want the best for them, while also taking a break from being around them. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and can lead to some growth for both parties.
People can change, and you can revisit the idea of being friends again, but do not think you have to continue a relationship just because you were once very close. Your happiness is more important that pleasing someone else. It is generally good practice to discuss what is upsetting you in order to repair the relationship rather than hastily cutting off all ties, and people deserve second chances, but they do not deserve third, fourth, or fifth chances when they continually do not fix the issues.
It’s like in the movie Mean Girls, where Tina Fey says to the girls, “You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.” I feel like this idea really translates into daily life: If you allow one person to mistreat you, others will see, and think it is acceptable to treat you a certain way. It is important to stand up for yourself and make it known how you would like to be treated. This can be difficult, standing up to people, but it is important to know how to get what you want and need in order to feel good about yourself.
Always remember, you deserve respect. You deserve to be treated well. You do not need to tolerate negative individuals in your life who bring you down. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself; people who build you up instead of tear you down. Don’t ever feel guilty for wanting to improve your surroundings.