I’ve come to the morbid realization lately that Instagram has left me wanting two Xanax, an extra-large glass of pinot noir, and a therapist.
As silly as it sounds, the people I followed were starting to feel like jabs. The cheerleader from UW reminded me of how not cut out I had been for our own cheer team. And really, how not cut out I had been for socialization as a whole. That ballerina I followed no longer inspired me. That New York Times bestselling author I’d seen signing copies of her books on tour left me with the scary, acidic feeling in my tummy.
I wanted to feel appreciative of her success. I didn’t believe in jealousy and I certainly am not a supporter in competition.
But the human, ugly, emotional side of me was simply jealous that she was living out my biggest dream. It was jealous that she no longer had the fears that I had; that it would never happen, and I would fail just as I had at so many other things.
Being constantly bombarded by the highlight reel of other’s lives can make our behind the scenes feel quite frankly, underwhelming. While we aren’t alone in feeling like our lives might not measure up to the facade happiness displayed on social media accounts, we can certainly start to develop feelings of being alienated. In addition to this, it can prey on our most sensitive of desires, insecurities and struggles. A Washington Post article discussed infertile couples who struggled with Facebook. One woman, who had been struggling to get pregnant for many years, stated how she felt she was being “kicked” every time she saw a post pertaining to children from one of her pregnant friends. This is just one example of an instance where social media can highlight something you want but can’t have, and that others do have. While there seems to be a need to use social media for the positive sides of socialization such as friendship and connection it seems that it also carries the negative sides of the social realm; bitterness, envy, and a negative heaviness when it hits where it hurts most.
One example of someone who has experienced these emotions is a famous YouTube personality named Kalel Kitten. While she boasts over two million followers and has launched multiple successful channels, she recently wiped her channel after publishing a video explaining the anxiety and unhappiness she felt. In her blog, she wrote about her opinions on the skewed priorities of users of social media. She writes, “the internet has us addicted to looking at other people’s lives… which often sparks jealousy, insecurity, annoyance, or leaves us longing for something that “they” have, and we don’t… where we then feel the need to prove to the world what’s great about US, what’s special about US, a.k.a, why WE deserve to be noticed, or “liked.” So, we work to create this second life online… this digital personification, or often “better version” of ourselves.” While this may seem baffling considering her astronomical social media success, one that has led to a well-paying and seemingly famous career, from her own words it does not seem that this is the way to true happiness.
In a culture constantly chasing fame, prestige, money and a platform this seems to go against the very grain of our beliefs. After all, so many of our lives constantly center around this strife to obtain something such as she had. She isn’t the first, either. Leda Bunny (Leda Muir), another seemingly famous internet personality, also wiped her account at one point.
Perhaps we need to look at our priorities; count our blessings and stop striving, stop comparing, and start living. You never know what someone’s life is truly like. You’re only seeing the smallest snippet, and it isn’t fair to hold ourselves to an ultra photoshopped version of someone’s life when we see our own in the rawest, unedited form. It’s time to let go of this mentality that we need to “prove” we are special. You already are.
Enjoy every moment. Enjoy your life. Be proud of your life. Be proud of you. Be proud to BE you!