Before I was diagnosed I could be mean. I was very judgmental, accepted no one even if they were nice to me, compared myself to others, and was overall not a very nice person. I had spent two years of middle school not knowing that I was depressed, and when I was in 10th grade I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder.  Yet again, I was not happy and this time it was simply because I did not want to believe that this was the reason for everything that had been going on since 6th grade. Of course after being diagnosed came the hassle of medication and therapy. After 3 months, I stopped taking my medication because I personally felt worse but I definitely don’t recommend this so if you feel that your medication isn’t helping, you have to talk to a doctor. As for therapy, I had found my therapist to be unhelpful but thankfully in high school I had an amazing social worker, who till this day I can’t thank enough for all he did. Talking to him made me realize a lot about the way I was and life in general.
People may not understand why I titled this that I am thankful, why would anyone be thankful for a mental disorder? Well, in a way my depression saved me. I mentioned before how I was mean and judgmental prior to being diagnosed. But once I was told I had depression, I began to understand others more. I began to put myself in their shoes and I tried to understand my best what it was they were going through. They were going through their own battle just like I was. My best friend till this day is someone I used to judge because I was not understanding of anything. My friends are all different, and each one of them has a story, just as I do, and because of their stories I was able to grow more, and value them so much more because they were able to fight through eveyrhting.
Previously, life meant nothing to me. I hated everything about my life, my family, my house, my clothes, who I was. After being hospitalized, I began to realize how much everything and everyone meant to me. I worked towards fixing my broken relationship with my parents and decided to appreciate the smallest of things- life is too short to not value it. I also came to terms with the fact that I was lucky enough to have somewhere to call home and lucky enough to even have a change of clothes. Overall my depression saved my life, if I had not been diagnosed with it I would have  never understood how beautiful life can be regardless of all the bumps I might hit and all the holes I might get stuck in. Today I love my life, even on my worst days because, well, I was lucky enough to get through my downfall, and climb back up only to see life from a whole new perspective. The simplest of moments remind me everyday how lucky I am to be alive. Some days, my depression wants me to be sad and not enjoy things and therefore I work even harder to fight it. That way, I can smile when others smile, even if I am not okay. My favorite part of my day is coming home and waiting for my mom to get home from work. Almost every single day we have something that I call “tea time” during “tea time” we talk about our day, complain about how annoying life can be, and laugh about the stupid things that have happened during the week. Simply sitting there with her makes my day better because I spend my afternoon getting to talk to someone I love with all my heart. I thank my depression for having me at the point where I tried to kill myself, because that was the point where I understood what it means to be alive, what it means to be able to sing, laugh, smile, cry, hear and yell. So regardless of the fact that I spent 7 years fighting something that seemed impossible to me, I’m glad I stuck it out because now I can say that no matter what, I will always be thankful because it taught me to love my life.