Relationships are complicated. Whether it’s family, friends, lovers or co-workers, compromise is a lot of hard work. You can’t rely on other people to like you or accept your flaws. Often I hear people say that you need to know yourself before going into a relationship, or when you’ve been dating for a long time people say “why don’t you try dating yourself?” I thought that was insane! How do you date yourself? Who does that? It sounded crazy, so I decided to do it.
I made a list consisting of things that happen when you start dating someone you like. This is the list I came up with:
1-Go out on dates
2-Get to know each other
3-Flirt by texting back and forth (notes)
4-Receive flowers
5-Share your joy with friends and family
I went to the people I usually talk to when I have a crush which are my friends and my mother. My mother is the one always repeating that “you have to date yourself first” and when I told her she answered, “well I didn’t mean it literally! Something is wrong with you kid.” My friends on the other hand were pretty cool about it, and didn’t think of it as strange behavior coming from me. They all however wanted to hear all about it!
Day one-
I went to the movies by myself and decided to watch “Barbershop: The Next Cut” because I love comedy. Going to the movies alone isn’t unusual for me. There’s no one there to talk too much, or ask me questions about a movie we are seeing for the first time together! As I’m use to it, I decided to look prettier than usual. I picked out a really cute outfit; put makeup on with one of my favorite lipsticks. I felt pretty and ready to go. I had the best time! The movie was great, I felt great and I didn’t want to head home yet. If I were with some else, we probably would have hang out a little longer. So, I went for frozen yogurt!
I did not buy myself flowers because I knew I would kill them before their time.
Day two-
I couldn’t really text myself without feeling awkward. I would have to go on my computer and Imessage myself back and forth! That was not happening! LOL! Instead I left myself little notes around my apartment. I started by thinking, what would I like to hear from a guy? I wrote, “You look beautiful, you always do.” I also wrote, “I like spending time with you.”
Day three-
I kept on writing my little notes and added, “awesome first date! We should definitely do that again.” I was going for a run at the beach that morning and decided to make it date number two! Spontaneous, but who doesn’t like a little spontaneity? Plus, a couple that works out together stays together! Right?
Day 4-
I looked at my other notes for inspiration and realized that these weren’t things that I meant. I did think that I looked pretty and that the date was great but I was writing down things I would like to hear from a guy. When you’re actually in a relationship and your partner tells you those things, you hope they say it because they mean it, not because they think you want to hear it. So I decided to be true to myself and write exactly what I thought of myself. My notes went from “you look beautiful” to “I’m proud of you, you kicked ass this week!”
Day 5-
I was writing the notes effortlessly now. I remember having a bad day. I had a lot of work due, I got in a fight with someone I care about and I couldn’t focus on work because of it. I wrote down, “you don’t have don’t be strong all the time. It’s okay to feel angry, it’s okay to feel sad.” “I love the way you handled yourself today, you didn’t let your emotions get the best of you.”
Day 6-
I woke up and read a few notes that I wrote down the night before. “You are an amazing woman.” “You’re awesome company!” I know these all sound cheesy but I meant them! I believed them! Only six days dating myself and I loved it!
Day 7-
I decided to have one more date- dinner and a movie. I cooked! I wanted to go healthy with a little red wine. I made my favorite! An artichoke and grilled chicken with my Caribbean spices! It was delicious! I played some music to set the mood and lived in the moment. After, I went to the movies and saw Captain America Civil War!
I always knew that I didn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy. I can make myself happy. Dating myself that week was only proof! Taking care of yourself by getting your nails done, going out and getting that “me time” is crucial! It doesn’t matter if you are in a relationship or not, everyone needs time to themselves. You need to stop whatever you are doing and wherever you are and say, “I am awesome!” Not for some guy/girl but for you. This exercise was powerful! It was a self-love exercise. It’s very healthy because no negative energy can come from you appreciating yourself!
I like dating me! I think we’re going steady; I’m enjoying myself too much!