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Sex + Relationships

Great Valentine’s Day Sex- What, Why, and How

Normally I hate Valentine’s Day, it’s a day built off of commercialism and over-priced garbage chocolate. This year though, I’m way into it. I want all the nasty lovey stuff, I want wine and a homemade dinner, and I feel no shame. It doesn’t really make sense, I’ve been with my significant other for going on three years and we are definitely out of the “honeymoon” phase. Yet here I am demanding a stuffed animal from Target, buying wine, and planning a homemade dinner. I’m also planning on having sex, and you might be too. So let’s talk about how to make your sex life a little bit extra special this V-Day. 


Try something new. If, like me, you have a sex life that is passionate and pretty kinky on the regular, it might be hard to change things up. Use Valentine’s Day as “explore that one fetish day,” and do that thing you’ve always been too scared of. The two of you want to try anal? Go for it! Never had sex in the shower? Suggest trying it (Though in my opinion shower sex is a little sub-par). Want to experiment with hot wax? Hell yeah, they make candles just for sex. Someone has a sex-slave kink? Well Valentine’s Day is on a Wednesday, but devote the weekend after to acting that out. If you can’t think of anything new, open up the discussion with your partner and suggest ideas. Have a lot of open conversation though, and make sure both of you are comfortable with whatever it is you’re trying.

Wear lingerie, or don’t! Sometimes V-Day makes lingerie feel like a necessity, and if you are into it that’s great! But, you don’t have to buy a corset to get it on. I personally use lingerie during foreplay, but my partner has it off by the time we are actually getting down. I honestly enjoy being nude more than in lingerie, and that’s totally cool. If you would rather wear a t-shirt than a corset, or nothing at all, go for it. I highly doubt your partner will complain about seeing you stark. 

Tailor your diet to your bed-time plans, or vice-versa. Yes, Valentine’s Day is the day for fancy dinners, which you should definitely enjoy! But if you plan on doing specific extra curricular activities, keep them in mind before ordering garlic bread (Yes, that includes you as well men). If you can’t resist the cheese fondue, don’t sweat it if you decide to alter you sex plan or cancel it all together. Remember you can do all of this stuff any day your heart desires, not just V-Day.


Kiss each other throughout the day. Remember when you first started dating and would makeout with each other without having sex after? Do that again. In the morning, in the afternoon, on the lips, on the neck, on the shoulder, on….. other places. Honestly just increase the kissing and physical contact in general, even not on V-Day. Touching throughout the day is comforting, connecting, and can enhance your sex life by igniting those feelings of passion long before the bedroom door closes. Be a teenager again, let the world know you love each other.

Don’t drink too much. If you do drink, don’t drink too much. I personally really love having sex with my partner while sober (it’s great tipsy, but sober I feel more emotionally connected), but the occasional buzzed bone is bound to happen. Stay aware, make sure your partner is aware, and make sure everyone involved is able to consent. Plus if you get too wine drunk you can get sleepy, and sex is way better than drunk sleep in my opinion.

If you get some, give some. I don’t really think I need to elaborate. Both of you should be satisfied, don’t be selfish today (tomorrow, sure). 

If you can’t/don’t want to do something, don’t. And don’t feel guilty! If you’re a women who need external stimulation to finish, ask for it. If you’re a woman who can’t orgasm that’s okay! If you’re a guy who simply can’t handle going one more round, let it be known. Enjoy your time together, it’s about the journey not the destination. Especially when it comes to sex. 

Just love each other! The point of Valentine’s Day is to have a little extra reminder that you love and are loved. It’s not about the gifts, or food, or even the sex. It’s about loving one another, and showing your love in ways that we all may forget about on a regular basis. Let your love shine through!

Bonus! But I’m single?! If you’re single make or order yourself a great meal, have a bubble bath, face-mask yourself up, watch your favorite show, buy yourself a new vibrator, and make your own night girl! Or hook up with someone you think is hella fine! You can still show yourself some love!

Now go out there and get dirty!

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Jessinta Smith

Old Westbury

Jessinta is a Media and Communications major at SUNY Old Westbury, and has written for varying outlets including Out.com and StudyBreaks. She edits, writes, and is CC for HCOW, and discusses everything from mental health to politics. To see more of her work or get in contact with her, visit jessintawrites.wordpress.com.
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