This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at ODU chapter.
It is normal to want to keep some emotions hidden. Keeping your “scary” strong emotions under the surface comes in handy until you’re in a situation that requires those emotions to be expressed. By then, you’ve gone so long keeping everything underwater that you don’t know how to bring it back up.
For me, this time came when I visited my father in the hospital, shortly after we realized he was going to die from esophageal cancer. I sat next to his bed, the silence in the room only broken by the beeping of hospital monitors. This was the time to tell my dad how much I cared about him, how I felt. Instead, I could not get the words out. In my choked silence, it dawned on me that I had become so good at keeping my emotions at bay that now I could not voice them aloud to the person I loved the most, a person I was going to lose. All I could do was grip his hand, a thousand unsaid thoughts racing through my head. I’m sorry I was not a better daughter. I’m sorry for all the fights we had that now seem minor in retrospect. I’m sorry that I’m going to lose you, and I would do anything to keep you alive.
I was blessed to be able to have several more months with my father before he passed away, but that moment opened my eyes to the fact I had some work to do. We were able to talk about our feelings together, but being able to open up to him took longer than I expected and I’m grateful that I had enough time.
Hiding your emotions hurts you not only when you are going to lose loved ones, it hurts your friends and relationships. Not communicating your needs and desires in a relationship by asking for what you need can lead to long-term difficulties and unhappiness. Not voicing concerns and placing boundaries in chaotic family relationships can lead to years of estrangement.
What can someone do when they realize it is time to voice aloud their feelings and yet are unable to?
Practice.
Rehearse scenarios in your mind where you allow yourself to share your emotions with someone who needs to hear them. Envision speaking up and addressing struggles that you’re going through. Struggles that might involve relationship conflict, anxiety, depression and grief.
Empathize and place yourself in other people’s shoes.
Look, everyone is going through something whether they talk about it or not. Consider the possibility that the person you’re sharing your emotions with may be dealing with emotional hardships themselves. Reminding yourself that everyone has struggles can help lessen the sense of it being a big deal.
Start small.
Rome was not built in a day. If you can start by sharing your feelings in small ways, in little comments, in meaningful steps, then more power to you. You’ll get there.
I get it, I really do. Sharing how you feel with others does not make you weak or damaged. It shows a kind of strength, a confidence in your emotions, a powerful showcase that you, and how you feel, matters.
Source: Giphy