Earlier this year I finished my first self-help book (on recommendation), called Taming Tigers. As a self-proclaimed ‘self-help’ sceptic I had low expectations, imagining unrealistic and overly optimistic demands laced with cheesy, unhelpful quotes that claim to change your life in a month. I was however, pleasantly surprised at Lawless’ immediately humble, no-nonsense tone that differentiated him from these ‘exploitative’ books he similarly criticises, and that I had been actively avoiding. Lawless warns the reader that this book is not a quick fix; whilst this may require more time and effort, I found this is where its success lies, resulting in slow but deeply implemented changes in mindset, that become habitual and therefore sustainable. In the nine months since I read this book, one quote in particular still resonates daily: ‘sat in the care home at the end of your life, what stories will you tell about the life you have lived?’.
Despite its simplicity, when properly engaged with, it encourages a process of reorganisation of priorities, in order to achieve an ultimate goal. This enabled me to judge how valuable each aspect in my life is, because I asked myself what lasting role it will play, if at all. Understanding that in most cases the challenge is worth enduring for the final achievement, and the memory created whilst achieving it. This encouraged me to take steps towards leading the life I want to live, to avoid disappointment on reflection in my own ‘care home’ situation. This approach is similarly applicable to undesirable situations; when I was confronted with a stressful situation I began to realise if it does not affect the stories I tell when I look back upon my life, it is most likely more insignificant than I had judged it to be at the time. What I love about this is how it ensures your aims are bespoke; it questions how you will feel, not your peers as the ultimate judge of this is yourself, just in the future, so it obtains a potential application to all individuals. Whilst I may hope for my care home story to be filled with stories of travel, others may desire stories of relaxation, sporting successes or families; there is no correct way to live life, alleviating pressures of mimicking seemingly ideal lives of others. Ultimately, sat in the care home in reflection, you are the judge of your own life.
Despite being slightly morbid, it nonetheless a very useful tool that I found I asked myself at least a few times throughout each day, and now nine months later, it is like second nature, and I am constantly engaged in an inner dialogue between myself. For example, when considering whether to spend spare money on a trip I may ask myself ‘Will I talk about this fondly in seventy years’ time? Will I regret it if I don’t when I’m too old to? Will I get a chance to do this again? Would the money I save on this go on something that will make me happier?’. The changes also happened in everyday life. With the care home scenario in mind, I altered pastimes and spending habits; choosing to save money for trips abroad, rather than shoes I may not remember nor need, avoiding time on TikTok to go for walks instead, eating out at restaurants with friends and family, because what difference will that make in the grand scheme of things? It urges you to ensure the content of your final memories consist of happiness, not stories the opportunities you did not take and the could-have-beens.
Of course, this is one of many lessons to be learnt from Lawless’ book and I would encourage any similar self-help sceptics to engage with Taming Tigers and enjoy the lifestyle improvements they may reap from this because this sceptic was impressed. I am not claiming this is profound and magic, my life has not been completely converted by one book. But I am claiming that it began my journey of self-betterment, because I aim to focus on the bigger picture, always. So, what will you want to boast about when you are ninety? What are you doing to make sure you can say it? And if reading just one self-help book is something you want to share with your wrinkled peers in the care home, start with this book.