The Oxford Dictionary defines a situationship as a ‘romantic or sexual relationship
that is not considered to be formal or established’ and this certain term seems to be
everywhere, especially among women in their early 20s. And yet, I find that there is a
distinct difference in how situationships are viewed when I talk to women vs when I
talk to men and yet this is not discussed. I want to clarify that this article will focus
mostly on heterosexual situationships, and the nature of such situations.
First of all, a lot of situationships generally stem from the start of an exclusively
sexual relationship, most of the times referred to as ‘friends with benefits’ and in my
opinion, this is exactly where the sexism seen in most of these situations starts. In
my experience, when women describe their current situation, they are told ‘be
careful’ or ‘you will catch feelings eventually’ whereas when a man describes himself
in such a situation, I generally find there is a lack of these comments. It is true that
this opinion is backed up by science, as women naturally release increased levels of
oxytocin during sex, and therefore naturally attach themselves to their partner they
are consistently having sex with as they have a higher level of this hormone then
men.
However, how much of this attachment is due to social pressure? Especially when it
comes to women, and comments such as ‘be careful’ or constant pressure to talk
about the person they are sleeping with. I also find that there is a social pressure to
be in a relationship, with influences such a social media or films, portraying situations
where a primarily sexual relationship turns into a romantic committed relationship. As
well as this, I want to note that there are a large number of situationships that have
turned into long standing relationships, and situations where it is a man asking for
commitment or catching romantic feelings, and so this science cannot hold up in all
situations and does not dictate them.
Second of all, there seems to be different expectations when it comes to the roles
that men and women in seem to adopt in situationships. For example, when a man
is in a situationship, where one of the main aspects of this relationship is non-
committal, this is seen as normal. When a man is seen as not committing to anything
in his 20s, he is seen as ‘playing the field’ or ‘being young’ and not getting into a
relationship is seen as a good thing. Then, when with women, I generally see that
when women are in situationships, they are described as ‘being easy’ and almost
stupid in some situations. One of the most blatant signs of sexism is the phrase, ‘he
only wants one thing’ which I find is only told to women. And yet, most women only
want one thing as well, why isn’t this accepted? Women are seen as being naïve,
and seen as secretly wanting a relationship, how is this fair? In this day and age,
why isn’t women just wanting sex and not a relationship accepted? This clear double
standard shouldn’t be the social norm.
Overall, it is clear that generally, situationships are defined by double standards,
socially and sexually, and have clear characteristics of sexism.