I’m perfectly aware of how ironic this post will be if my stable relationship falls apart once this is published, but we ball. For reference, my credentials for giving such advice are: I’ve been doing long distance for 1 1/2 years now. I didn’t see him consistently for the first 10 months, and we’re still going strong! Trust me when I say I’ve been through a lot, and so hopefully my lil tips will help keep your relationship alive, peaceful and thriving.
- Try not to be too attached.
Strive not to base your day on their existence. I know it may be difficult, especially when you’re in love and you see everything in them, I genuinely get it. But you have to remember that you are your own person with your own mindset. Your thoughts and perspective on life shouldn’t change drastically because of their presence. Oftentimes, you spend time thinking of them and when it doesn’t seem like they’re thinking of you that much, it feels one-sided.If you’re dating a man, they can be weird. Sometimes, when they feel secure in a relationship, they tend to become quieter because they feel confident in your presence. Of course, this is not an excuse for them to put in less effort, but you shouldn’t feel like they’re losing interest because they’ve become more reserved. It’s their way of showing you that they feel peace in your relationship.Being less attached doesn’t mean thinking about them less, or completely blocking them from your life. It just means being confident in your existence without them, not fretting over them or how quickly they reply, what they’re doing, or if they’re thinking about you. You don’t want to lose yourself in constantly perceiving yourself through them. In short, stop worrying about them.
2. Find the right person.
Hate to break it to you babes, but nothing is gonna work out if your partner isn’t emotionally stable and willing to keep the communication going. Just thought to post this helpful tip in case some of y’all are wasting your time with manipulative, insecure cheaters (leave girl).
3. Constantly communicate (even if it’s about stupid things).
While you remain detached, it’s also important to constantly communicate so you don’t grow apart from each other. Sometimes this is challenging, especially when you both are so busy and have established a daily routine that rarely changes. Talking can be difficult, especially when you guys have already talked about everything under the sun, and it feels like there’s nothing more to talk about. Remember, communication also counts as sending each other TikToks or talking about random shit that doesn’t really make sense.I always send my boyfriend random baby animal pictures simply because when I see them, I think of him. I like it because I’m giving him a small piece of my personality with these texts. He won’t forget who I am at my core despite me putting on my “uni baddie” uniform and mindset daily for school. This method reassures your partner that they’re not being forgotten and they’re still your safe space for you to share things that make you happy or to be yourself, and it keeps reminding yourselves of each other.
4. Reassure.
After the communication bit, if either of you feels like there’s been some distancing or if things feel weird, it is so important for you to reassure each other that this is just a part of long distance, and if relevant, discuss solutions to the problem. Reassurance keeps things stable and provides an avenue for both of you to show how comforting the other can be, even when the problem involves them.
5. Don’t take things too seriously.
Sometimes, overthinking about the whole situation in general can create problems in areas where there aren’t any. The more you think and fixate on the cracks in long-distance (because let’s be real, no long-distance relationship is perfect), the bigger the problems will appear to you.Sometimes, accepting how it is, shrugging, and moving on is the best thing you can do, because in reality, the problem is not with you guys; it’s the long distance itself that distorts the communication. Overanalysing every text, every call, every conversation makes you over-fixate on its flaws, and with that, it’s difficult to think about the good parts.Honestly, sometimes I just have a Coke and go watch myself a movie cause if I really think about it, is it ever that deep, girl? Go breathe air.
6. Don’t be afraid of your partner changing.
If you feel like your partner is changing, it’s not always a bad thing. Part of being in a relationship is growing together, and this means seeing yourself and your partner change or develop new mindsets. It doesn’t always mean you’re growing apart, it could mean you’re growing together. It definitely feels worse because you’re not physically there to experience it, and it feels like the change is because of long distance, but, remind yourself that they will probably experience the same when it’s your turn, so make sure you treat them like how you’d wanna be treated. Appreciate the change, bring up possible concerns and make peace with it (unless the change is for the worse).
These tips only work if both people in the relationship constantly remind themselves of these things. If one person has mentally checked out of the relationship, then RIP girl there’s nothing you can do to save it because that’s on them. Relationships are like sourdough starter; they need a bit of love from time to time, but sometimes need to be left alone to ferment.
Good luck, babes! Don’t let it eat you up.