HCN Ranks Your Favourite Ways To Procrastinate

Welcome Week is over: the introductory lectures are out of the way and your seminar tutors have started to get pretty liberal with all the 'essential' extra reading. There’s only one solution when everything gets a bit too much. Here are all the methods we reckon you've already being using in order to avoid your work, ranked out of five stars for your convenience.


Online shopping is truly the devil when you’re freaked out about the work you have to do. Capitalism has hardwired us to seek out consumables as a way to feel happy, and when you’re staring down the barrel of a next-day deadline, you need every bit of happiness you can get. Unfortunately that happiness costs £29.99 including postage and packing, and by the time it arrives in three to five working days, you’ll be filled with regret. Tragically, the government did not factor in ASOS sales when they chose the dates for your student loan to come in.


“This isn’t procrastination at all!” you protest. Well, you’re wrong. Going to Hallward doesn’t mean sitting at a computer and churning out your essay (it doesn’t mean sitting at a computer at all most of the time – it’s always packed); if we’re being honest with ourselves, going to Hallward means one thing... Starbucks. Warmer than your student house, warmer than your cheap summer package holiday, warmer even than the Sun, Hallward is the perfect place to have a hot cup of coffee and chat to course mates before going on your phone for half an hour and then catching the 34 home. The meagre two star rating Hallward receives is because it’s actually not that fun. You’re too close to other people doing work to really de-stress, and you’ll end up more worried than before you passed through those automatic doors.


Many an hour has been lost with JStor in one tab and Zoella in the other. There is something so addictive about make-up tutorials – the girls are invariably charming and adorable, and watching them makes you realise that you can be too! Sometimes your contour will be fleeked enough to make you forget your problems...and makeup is a skill, right? That is, of course, until you try out their Autumn Berry Lip Look, and staring right back at you is someone you would cross the street to avoid. Make-up tutorials are brilliant things, but if you’re already in a negative headspace because of uni pressures, getting worried about your appearance on top of all that is just going to make things even more painful.


The most practically useful of all methods of procrastination. If you’re the sort of person who stress-cleans, you’re a true diamond in the rough. Heroically tackling the mountain of dirty dishes, getting a bit too neurotic with the vacuum cleaner and cleaning the toothpaste off the bathroom sink are all acts your flatmates will love you for. The four-star rating here says it all. It only loses a star because cleaning lacks that vital thrill of getting away with something that you experience with other forms of procrastination. At the end of the day you’re just tidying up, aren’t you?


The king of procrastination; sleeping is the tried-and-true way to get away from your problems. Any kind of sleeping is perfect: the absurdly long lie-in, the afternoon nap, the post-tea snooze, or the early night. You don’t have to brush your hair or carry a backpack around or check the bus times; in fact, you don’t even have to move at all. If you’re going to be lazy then you might as well go the whole way. It’s the closest you’re going to get to a holiday on your student budget, and you should embrace it with open arms.


Edited by Tia Ralhan

Image sources: