Leaving your boyfriend/girlfriend behind for university can seem like the toughest thing o you’ve had to do (at the time), but making the decision as to whether starting university in a relationship is the right choice can be even trickier. Seeing my sister weigh up her options and reflect on that ultimate question made me think more generally about whether, sometimes, the more painful decision of breaking up can actually be the less upsetting one in the long-run.
Like my sister, I also went to university whilst in a serious relationship, and I remained with this person for the duration of my first year. I was pretty lucky as when we did break-up we managed to do it pretty well; we have stayed close friends, still visit each-other and speak often, and we have absolutely no animosity against each-other, or the time we spent together.
However, sometimes when I’m thinking about the ‘what if’ question, I am brought to the idea that maybe if our break-up had been terrible, I would have regretted the time I spent travelling to visit the other person, the excruciating amount of money spent on said travel, and the moments/friendships/societies I could have missed out on because I wasn’t always around. Maybe, if we weren’t friends now the whole year would no longer seem worth it, and I’d harbour regrets.
Having said that, everyone’s different, so I turned to my friends to see if they had different opinions One of my gal pals who also had an unsuccessful relationship which ended after first year gave me some pretty deep thoughts to consider. She pointed out that it doesn’t really make sense to end a good thing just because you’re going to university – if a relationship works in one place, there’s nothing to stop it working elsewhere, as long as people are willing to adapt with the change. If you really wanted to see someone, or speak to them, you will (despite having to spend more time on public transport than you’d probably like). She has no feelings of regret, because there was also positive surrounding the negative – that relationship helped her grow and learn , and she was happy at the time.
So I guess I’ve come to the conclusion that 9/10 times, you’ll be glad you did it. My sister might have her fears and worries that her and her boyfriend could break up anyway, but at least she’ll know she tried and she was happy with her decision at the time. As long as you throw yourself into university and the opportunities it presents, have fun and make time for your university friendships to blossom, having another-half in first year won’t hold you back. Even if it isn’t meant to be, there’s no point in regretting something that brought you happiness at the time.
Edited by Isabelle Walker