It’s become quite common that a lot of couples find themselves figuring out what they mean to each other after a relationship has ended, especially when you’ve considered that person a close friend, companion or support system for some time. Some feel the need to still keep ties while others do not see a reason to still be in each other’s lives. I asked my Instagram followers what they thought of the following question “Can you go back to being genuine friends after uttering the words, “I love you?”. Out of 70 respondents who were asked, forty voted yes while the other thirty voted no.
Some of the respondents said:
“If they’re worth keeping around why cut ties?”
“Cause it’s simple- if you love someone you just love someone”
“In love sooner or later you’re gonna wanna get back with them. The friendship will never last”
“Friends?? What will Y’all be talking about??”
“I’d be calm with it if only we were friends before & he was nice to me. I’d give them that respect at least”.
YIKES….
While it shows it’s certainly true it is possible to remain a genuine friend with your ex after a break-up, how that is done is still a tricky move to make because let’s face it; it all depends on how it ended and what your motives are. If you simply want to continue checking up on your ex because you want to know how they’re doing, that’s okay. However, if you want to also know what they’re up to and how they’re doing without you-you might want to reconsider lingering around this person because you do deserve peace of mind from setting your heart free.
Being in a relationship with someone is a test for those boundaries you’ve set up. While you’re spending a lot of time with someone, healthily giving while receiving love, you don’t think about the day that relationship will come to an end. Once it has ended (we don’t like to face it but all things run their course) your boundaries get put to test once again in establishing where you go from there. Where you decide to place that person you once loved based on proximity will say more about how you feel about your role in that relationship than how you feel towards that person. If you can’t seem to let it all go and see that person in a different light simply as a friend, acquaintance, neighbor or co-worker then it’s worth questioning what is still hurting you about that relationship and addressing it in the way you see fit.
What a time to be alive and while that is certainly true, our heads are turning and our skin is quivering because these moments at such ages are definitive to our character and our character’s resilience in life. We’re finding our feet and we’re learning how to march to our own beat (once we figure out how that beat goes). Part of that growth from teenagehood is setting boundaries for ourselves, deciding what to put up with or not to put up with, situations we allow ourselves to be put in or even stay in. Rest assured there is no formula because we’ve been raised by certain morals codes and in that have developed our own, but this phase right here kind of feels like rebirth don’t you think? We’re creating ourselves once again and will continue to mold ourselves to the end of time.