Finals week is never fun. The exams, the stress, and the lack of sleep create a sort of nervous energy on campus that infects even the happiest of individuals. It’s especially difficult during the fall semester when the Christmas season is upon us. The lights and hot chocolate and carols are replaced with a sadistic schedule of exams and papers. So for this finals season, a more appropriate version of a popular Christmas carol might be adopted.
On the first day of finals my professor gave to me, one failure on a final exam.
There is absolutely nothing worse than getting home after a long week of exams, you’re sitting in your bed watching Netflix and someone texts you “Did you see that grades are up?” Your heart starts pounding, you struggle to type, and you take that final deep breath before you click the link to seal your fate. The only good thing about finals is that at least you can accept your failure from the comfort of an unlofted bed.
On the second day of finals my professor gave to me, two long term papers.
You had all semester to write this paper. You knew it was coming and you knew what it was going to take in order to finish that 15 page research paper. Yet, you still chose not to start it until two days before it was due. Now whose fault was that?
On the third day of finals my professor gave to me, three reading days.
Reading days are really just hell disguised as a gift. They trick you into thinking that it’s so nice to have an extra day to study and organize yourself. But what they don’t tell you is that a reading day just means spending 24 hours in library, with only a few breaks to maybe grab some food and cry.
On the fourth day of finals my professor gave to me, four crying friends.
Speaking of crying, chances are at any given moment, one of your friends is crying due to stress. Look around. Don’t see anyone crying? Maybe you’re the crying friend.
On the fifth day of finals my professor gave to me, five P-A-N-I-C attacks.
Comes with the crying. Finals week is great for appreciating the many forms that a panic attack can take. Some laugh, some cry, some sprint to the grotto. If there was a panic attack olympics, finals week would be peak training season.
On the sixth day of finals my professor gave to me, six nights of no sleep.
The library is open 24 hours a day, take advantage of them.
On the seventh day of finals my professor gave to me, seven days of spending.
Spending flexpoints that is, provided you have any left. If you hoarded your flexpoints, it’s time to go on a spending spree. Smashburger, Starbucks, Subway or candy wall, pick your poison. And please look kindly on those poor souls who ran out of flexpoints before October break.
On the last day of finals my professor gave to me, eight hours of procrastinating.
Procrastination is the beautiful art form of wasting time until the panic sets in. I may or may not have recreated a Neopets account last night. I don’t know, weird stuff happens this time of year.
So get in the Christmas-Finals season with a sense of humor and a little irony.
GO IRISH! BEAT FINALS XOXO HCND
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