With cuffing season upon us, it’s easy to grow comfortable in our relationships or begin to itch for the feeling of intimacy. But for those who are experiencing heartbreak during these cold winter nights, here are some of the best tips I’ve received and used while getting over a relationship in college for the first time.
1. Reclaim your space
It’s easy to tangle up what you consider home in college because it’s such a new environment. Oftentimes, we rely on our significant others to be our homes here, and it’s scary letting go of that. With memories of you and your person lingering all over campus, it hurts to continue with everyday life because you have to find a new normal. It’s going to hurt going to places you shared with your person, but this is your time to reclaim them. When you’re feeling tough, go back to those places and reclaim them as your own. Make new memories with different people. It’s okay to be nervous when you revisit these places. Breathe.
2. Make a list
I know you don’t see it now, but take this as an opportunity to be able to do things without limits or restrictions. Make a list of things you can do now that you don’t have a significant other. Get that tattoo you’ve been eyeing, cut and dye your hair, focus on what you want to do as an individual. How do you want to improve yourself? Even the smallest thing like, getting your sleep schedule together or eating better, go a long way. Start little and make your way up.
3. Don’t make any rash decisions
That being said, don’t do anything you might regret later. It’s easy to do things out of anger or sadness, but do yourself a favor and take a moment before you act on these emotions. If you’re going to do something, do it for yourself with your best interest at heart and not just because you’re feeling impulsive.
4. Don’t talk sh*t to anyone willing to listen. Find a support group you can trust
After a breakup, it’s really tempting to rant to anyone who is willing to listen. It’s relieving when people genuinely want to hear what you’re saying and you don’t feel like a burden. Just be careful who you talk to. Campus is big, but it becomes really small when gossip spreads. It’s okay to reach out to friends and figure out your support group. It’s incredibly important to have people you can trust and rely on to help you through this hard time. But this is your time to reflect, don’t let it be a telenovela the rest of the campus is watching.
5. Take time for yourself. Mental health is important, seek help if you need it.
It’s good to reach out for support, but also take time to reflect and be alone. Part of what hurts so much about breaking up is the fact that you feel like a piece is missing. You’re going to have a lot of time for yourself, and this is good. Grow accustomed to this free time and invest in yourself. Treat yourself through self-care or delving into new hobbies. Reflect on what you’ve learned. Sometimes this alone time can be overwhelming, and that’s okay too. Take advantage of your campus mental health resources. People are so quick to write off heartbreak as something you’re just supposed to get over after a week. If you’re not okay, don’t pretend to be. Seek the comfort you believe will help you. Heartbreak is valid, even if it may seem minor.
6. Feel your emotions, then let them go
Certain days you won’t want to get out of bed because you can’t bring yourself to. Some nights you will stay up crying and asking aloud why it hurts so much. Your friends will try to comfort you. You will attempt to smother the sadness with distractions. At one point you will feel completely fine, and the next, you might just be sobbing on your friend’s floor. Let yourself feel. Let the memories wash over you. You’ve got all this information about your ex and you have no idea what to do with it anymore. Breathe in some fresh air and let go of the sadness or anger. You were whole before you met them, and you are whole now. Eventually, you will forget the scent of their sweatshirt. You will forget their favorite color. You will forget the feeling of them holding your hand. It gets easier. It will stop hurting so much.
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