The “women in male-dominated fields” trend is one that’s recently grown in virality, and one that’s led me (and probably many others) to think about what that really means. What is a male-dominated field? The first thoughts that come to mind often center around gendered privileges in the home, workplace, athletics and countless other areas — but one less discussed is the topic of sex.
Male sexuality and the sexualization of women in our current world is almost overwhelming. In recent years, I’ve had plenty of time to explore being single. As a bisexual woman, a college student who has studied abroad in Paris (a city overrun with some of the most attractive people in the world) and an active dater, I’ve gained a fair amount of dating experience, and I think it’s important that we dismantle the stigma surrounding female sexuality.
I, like many other women I know, have faced far too much unnecessary judgment for being sexually active, and I can’t help but wonder why. Is it jealousy? Is it so hard to believe that a woman can go out and enjoy herself just like countless men do? Why does the topic of female sexuality evoke such negative reactions and hurtful judgment?
This judgment, typically rooted in outdated societal norms, often labels women who embrace their sexuality as promiscuous, “easy” or even immoral. One way to address this is by normalizing conversations about sex and dating with friends, roommates or anyone you’re comfortable talking to about it.
The more people I talk to, the more I realize how many girls hesitate to share their fun stories and experiences with sex and dating due to a fear of being slut-shamed. As a result, they suppress discussions about things they genuinely want to share and connect with others about. For many women, this fear results in a silence that only further reinforces the stigma surrounding female sexuality. As society slowly progresses, it’s important to actively challenge these harmful stereotypes and empower women to take ownership of their sexual lives without the fear of stigma, name-calling or judgment.
In my experience, I’m often the first one to bring up funny or memorable experiences from my dating past with my friends, and almost every time, I’m met with smiles, laughter and girls bonding over shared experiences, eagerly asking for every detail.
But the other portion of the time, I fail to remember that not everyone is as open-minded as my friends.
This judgment usually comes from men, some of whom have been with twice as many people as I have — yet they still struggle to accept the idea of a woman pursuing what she wants, making the first move at a party and getting an amazing night with a new partner out of it.
Unfortunately, many women who openly discuss their sexual experiences or express their desires are seen to be stepping out of line. Of course, there is a time and place to talk about sex, but even in appropriate settings, shame is typically directed at the woman, not the man. Society tends to reward men for their sexual rendezvous, often labeling them as “players” or “bachelors” while women are subjected to harsh labels like “slut” or “whore.”
Given this double standard, it is incredibly important that women support one another. Oftentimes, women are pitted against each other, but by uplifting and encouraging one another, we can collectively embrace female sexuality as a natural and empowering aspect of a woman’s identity.
Being confident, sexual and desirous as a woman can be very invigorating. Approaching someone you find attractive and asking for their number is undeniably intimidating, and the few times I’ve gained the courage to do so, I’ve been nervous out of my mind. Yet, more often than not, the person ends up being impressed by the confidence and boldness of a woman who not only knows what she wants but actually makes a move to achieve it.
To embrace this confident and empowered side of myself, I’ve developed a few rituals: having a playlist for getting ready before a date or night out (featuring Rihanna, Tove Lo, Metro Boomin and The Weeknd), treating myself to a new lingerie set and perfume from Victoria’s Secret on Valentine’s Day and reminding myself that confidence is always key.
No one should feel judged for having a sex drive. A woman’s sexual activity does not define her worth or morality. Women should feel confident in their desires, in choosing when and with whom they want to engage in sexual activities and in enjoying those experiences without shame.
A woman who knows her worth and refuses to let judgment hold her back from pursuing what she wants can be incredibly powerful, and I hope that the women reading this, who are sexually active, dating or have experienced any kind of slut-shaming in the past, feel seen and know that they are not alone.