In a society where constant connection is easier than ever and being surrounded by others is often treated as the norm, being alone can feel like a defect rather than a choice. We see someone sitting by themselves and are instantly hit with a wave of sadness. The idea that happiness requires constant company has diminished the value we place on being alone, while our expectation of constant communication has made silence feel uncomfortable. We instinctively reach for our phones when we have nothing to do and feel the need to fill quiet moments with music or conversation.
Conditionally, “free time” has been long associated with “screen time.” For many young people, phones and social media have been a fixture of growing up, making it easy to alleviate boredom and break silence with something to watch or scroll through. In a culture that encourages us to fill every empty moment, learning to enjoy our own company has become something we must consciously practice.
To be alone is not necessarily to be lonely. Loneliness is a painful feeling of isolation, while solitude is a voluntary state of being alone that can be peaceful and reflective. Artists, musicians and writers often rely on moments of solitude to focus and bring their ideas to life. Without conversations, opinions or distractions competing for your attention, there is more space to follow your independent thoughts. You can listen to music you would not normally play around your friends, write down an idea without worrying whether someone else will like it or simply let your mind wander. Sometimes creativity just needs the freedom to exist without judgment before it can fully develop and take shape.
Spending time alone can help you discover who you really are. Free from societal expectations, you are empowered to make decisions based on your own opinions and beliefs. This can be as simple as trying a new style just because you like it, picking up a new book genre or experimenting with a new hobby like sketching, journaling, running or pickleball. You can independently explore without the external pressures of those around you. You might discover interests you would never have tried otherwise because you were too focused on what everyone else is doing. Over time, this self-discovery can also help you develop a stronger sense of self and greater confidence in your independent choices.
This is not to say that human connection is unimportant or should be avoided, but rather to emphasize the value of balancing time with others and moments of solitude that allow for individual growth. In fact, spending time alone can strengthen your relationships, both romantic or platonic. The sense of peace and self-assurance we develop in solitude can carry into our interactions with others, allowing us to show up more fully for the people in our lives without losing sight of ourselves.
Becoming comfortable with being alone takes time, and you don’t have to begin by doing everything on your own. Start small: take a walk, read at the park, go on a solo date or cook yourself a nice dinner and enjoy a quiet evening alone.
Solitude may not feel peaceful at first. The silence can be an unwelcome change when you are used to the consistency of having others around. Sometimes being alone means sitting with thoughts that are easier to ignore when surrounded by other people. But that discomfort is part of the process. As solitude becomes less scary and instead something you actively embrace, it can offer a source of peace to grow, learn and let your creativity thrive.
Ultimately, the art of being alone is about learning to enjoy your own company so that solitude can become something you value rather than something you try to avoid.