My college experience doesn’t look like everyone else’s or almost anyone else I meet outside Northeastern. Still, it seems so many people have faced similar challenges. Living in college consists of waking up in a tiny dorm room, sharing a bathroom and eating at a communal dining hall with friends.
This lifestyle starkly contrast the average life at home, where most kids can have dinner with their family and lean on them as a support system. Your room, where most teenagers spend all their time, becomes a safe haven. The bed I slept in every night of high school became a safe space; regardless of friendship problems, boyfriend breakups or fights with my family, I knew I could return to my room.
Now, two years into college, things have changed, and I have as well. That room is home but can no longer provide the comfort I so badly crave.
I was lucky to start my college career away from home with a semester abroad in London, about as far away from my town in Middle America as possible. I lived in a tiny room, but it was my own room, where the sound of rain pattering on the windowsill often comforted me. That room saw every homesick feeling, new friend and growth I had in that first semester. That room also saw heartbreak, rejection, failed tests and late nights that became early mornings. In other words, with all the chaos in my life, that room became the one constant calm space.
Returning ‘home’ for winter break after that, I felt like a different person than when I left. My bedroom felt huge; the sheets were soft, the air was clean and it was quiet.
Middle America doesn’t have the sights and sounds of London, and my hometown suddenly felt nostalgic to be in. I heard the birds chirping outside my window when I woke up; the coffee downstairs was rich and flavorful and the fridge was almost always stocked. Yet these small luxuries did not give me the long-term fulfillment I thought they would.
This town now felt smaller than it had before. While I felt like I had changed so much, most things seemed to stay the same. I wondered how this town could stay the same when I felt like an entirely new person.
Life back in my hometown suddenly didn’t give me the same feeling of comfort I so badly wanted. While I am lucky enough to have my family give me the support and the love I missed so much, I didn’t feel like I could go back to living my daily life there. In other words, I was at a home that was no longer mine.
In reality, I knew that returning to school meant returning to growing. In all the challenging moments and sleepless nights, I knew I had my friends, who became my family, to support me. Although the fridge is seldom stocked, and the coffee is bitter and instant, a part of me loves it. A voice inside me knows I can miss my hometown while building my own home.