“Talk to yourself as if you were speaking to your younger self.” I know it sounds silly, but this sentence was truly transformative for me to hear in my most recent therapy session. We treat others that we care about in our lives with compassion—so why is it so hard to treat ourselves with the same love and care we have for others?
Recently, my therapist asked me, “Why are you being so hard on yourself?” My honest response back was, “because I feel like I have to.” As a college student, I have been drowning amidst my hectic schedule, long hours doing school work and trying to fit in me-time. When going to a school like Northeastern, the grind is admirable. The grind is sought after. The grind is praised. You look around here on campus, and you see people working hard. That’s what has been ingrained into my mind. I thought that I had to beat myself to the ground to feel like I was worth something; if I didn’t put in that “work,” I felt as if I had failed.
When I was first told to talk to myself like I was talking to my younger self, I was a bit perplexed. It sounded silly at first and a little odd. But taking time to think deeper about it, I realized how beneficial it could be. If you think about your younger self or look at a picture, you can try to visualize the language you would be using with the person in that photo. I’m sure you would treat that person with kindness. So when my therapist asked me to share how I would treat the younger version of myself, I stated “I would hug her… I would tell her how much I love and care for her.” The biggest takeaway for me was that talking to my younger self would differ so much from how I currently speak to myself. My therapist said that when I am beating up myself mentally, I am mentally beating up the younger version of myself as well, and that resonated with me. Thinking about this version of myself helped me develop a new sense of love and care for the person I am today.
I didn’t realize until now how much pressure I was putting on myself. Pressure to be a good friend, a good student, a good sister, a good daughter. All that pressure did was consume my brain. I would constantly tell myself that I wasn’t good enough or needed to do more to be better. I was beating myself up over and over, and when I really think back on it now, it’s clear that nothing ever changes when I put myself under all that pressure. It just makes me feel even worse.
Now, I know showing yourself compassion is no easy feat as I am still learning myself. Something that has been helpful for me during this journey is asking myself if I would love my family and friends any less based on how they perform in life. The answer is no.
So remember, would you speak to your 8 year old self this way? Would you tell her that she’s not good enough and needs to keep going even if she’s burnt out? No. Thinking about my younger self has allowed me to gain perspective. It has allowed me to give myself grace and helped to quiet the little negative voice in my head. If you are struggling to give yourself some compassion, this mindset could help.