As a senior in college, I never thought I’d get to this point. It’s cliché, but it’s true that it goes by in the blink of an eye. I first toured NC State and knew I wanted to go here. Whenever someone asks why I went to NC State as someone who lives in New Jersey, my main response is that it really was just based on vibes. Throughout my time here, I have learned and experienced so many things about the world and about myself. I thought I’d be excited to never have to go to school again, but as I’m getting into classes I actually enjoy, I realize I’m going to miss learning new things every day. On top of that, I actually have to get a real job. That leads me into a bunch of other stressors, like, can I even get a job? Where will I live? Will I be happy?
It seems that, in my experience, the older I get, the less on track I feel. While some people seem to have it all figured out early on, with a clear direction and plan, I find myself drifting more and more, unsure of where I’m headed. Some people know who they are right from the jump. Which in some ways can be hard- if you don’t get into the school you’ve always dreamed of, you don’t get the job you want, etc. But that’s just the optimistic version of me trying to come up with reasons why I should be grateful I’ve never felt called to anything in life. Maybe not having that fixed path means I’m more open to opportunities I haven’t even imagined yet. The pessimistic side of myself, which is usually the end I receive when thinking about my life’s choices, thinks it’s horrible. I think my true calling is to have unlimited money and have a few hobbies that last 1-2 weeks before moving on to the next thing. Obviously, that’s not going to work out in this economy, aka I’m a jobless student. I want to clarify (to my potential future employer that may come across this) that I’m not a complete deadbeat. I love enjoying life and eating good food, and hanging out with my friends- that is, until they start talking about their huge, thought-out life plans.
I guess I’m writing this to let people know that they aren’t alone. It’s ok to not know the answer to the most dreaded question at a family function, “What are your plans after graduation?” Because I PROMISE, there’s more of us out there-more people who feel uncertain, overwhelmed, or just plain lost about what’s next. And like my best friend said in the comfort of this week’s mental breakdown, “It’ll all work itself out.” Whether I complete everything I need to do or I don’t, this week will still go by, and I won’t have to worry about it ever again, just the next week… and the next week… and the week after that. Life keeps moving forward, no matter how stuck or confused we feel in the moment. BUT WE’LL MAKE IT. And it’ll all be ok.