I got my first taste of social media at the age of thirteen. Ironically, this is the last time I remember ever feeling confident in myself. What I saw through my screen began to seep into my head. I didn’t have the fair skin, toned bodies, or silky hair showcased in the pictures of influencers and mutuals alike. Thus began the era of “you’re not pretty enough,” and “you’ll never look like them.”
I cannot credit this a hundred percent to social media; environmental, parental, and internal pressures all played their parts. Their teamwork led this idea of “societal perfection” to root itself into my mind. I convinced myself the only way I would love myself was if I “worked hard” to fit into society’s mold of beauty. I did everything. Straightened my hair every day. Used bleaching creams. Lost the weight. Almost as if, if there were less of me I hated, I’d be a step closer to loving myself.
Life for me was like this for the next four years. It felt almost impossible to get back up on my feet. My breaking point was being faced with an unanswerable question: what do you love about yourself? My thoughts ran dry when it came time to think of the good. It was then I realized that this was a serious problem that I’d neglected for far too long.
Now it boils down to the question that you, reader, seek the answer to how do I start? The journey only begins once you decide to start it. Nothing changes if you hide in the comfort of your insecurities that you’ve known for so long. However, I don’t blame you; it is easier to run from our problems than face them.
As I work towards my self-confidence now, I’ve realized that the change is not overnight. It’s one day at a time. What worked for me was asking that very question to myself in the mirror: what do I like about myself today?
Don’t get me wrong, I had to start out small, VERY small. My hands were the only part of myself I didn’t hate. But what was once my hands became my lips, my legs, then my overly-bushy eyebrows. These positive affirmations start to come naturally once you force yourself to think of them. Your mind is just another muscle of the body, you have to train it like you do your arms or your legs. It truly is a long process, but one that is worth going through to ensure a lifetime of self-love and happiness. I find myself less stressed as I let go of the insecurities that tied me down, and I look forward to the completion of my journey, no matter how long it takes.
I missed the feeling of loving myself. It’s nice to have it back.