As I’m writing this article, I’m only a few exams away from becoming a second-semester junior in college. Outside of the typical “time flies” mentality, being that I’m inches away from halfway through, I find myself grappling with the weight of the title. According to Merriam-Webster, the word “junior” is a noun meaning “a student in the next-to-the-last year before graduating from an educational institution.” Structurally, the “next-to-last” description fits perfectly within the hierarchy of institutional classification. However, the chronological aspect of being a junior aside, there’s an entire year ahead of me once this one concludes. A full academic year, encompassing approximately 32 weeks, with 224 days total, and the same 24 hours in those days that I navigate currently. And yet, it feels as though the hours in my junior-year days are shorter, my academic and professional development efforts are greater, and my personal growth and successes are quieter.
Junior year, in the context of both high school and college, is the year of “almost there.” It’s a complicated, in-between stage of your academic life where the questions you ask aren’t immediately answered, and for me, uncertainty is daunting. From my perspective, this year so far has been about understanding what I call “opportunity permanence.” While object permanence is knowing that an object actively exists despite being unable to see or otherwise sense it, opportunity permanence revolves around the strides made towards an ideal outcome. I get completely wrapped up, tangled even, in the “doing” to the point that I find myself burning the candle at both ends. From classes and extracurriculars to networking and professional development, without a visible sign of immediate benefits, imposter syndrome and self-criticism are quick to creep in. I often find myself asking, “What am I doing? And what can I do better?”
Being caught in the middle of this “in-between” year, it’s hard to shift your perspective from your current point of view to the outside-looking-in. While reflection usually takes place towards the end of a milestone, sometimes a check in halfway through is not only needed, but dire in order to ground us in the present. It’s easy to ask “the what”: what plans you have after graduation, what your next LinkedIn post is going to be, what happens next after your internship wraps up. But as we learned in the early years of our English classes, there’s also the who, where, when, and why. Every “what” has a “why”, and while the “why” may not exist without the “what”, it’s the driving force of everything we do. Why do your classes interest you, and why do they nourish your career aspirations? Why do you want that specific internship so badly, minus the resume boost? Why are you capable of fulfilling a purpose that no one else could do better than you?
Spoiler alert: it’s not because you’re a junior in college, a student in general, a leadership role in a club, an employee, a friend, or any other title you or the people in your life associate you with. It’s because of your commitment to everything that matters most to you. Your work ethic does not waver at the thought of “almost there”; if anything, it strengthens and solidifies. You possess the qualities to maintain the roles you play in the performance of life, but the many hats you wear aren’t bestowed upon you to give you those skills. When you reflect on the progress that’s gotten you this far, the only title that remains unchanging is the name you go by. The very same name that’s celebrating your “why”, as you remind yourself of the opportunities that actively exist for you, despite being able to see them just yet.
Maybe junior year has its own “why”, and maybe that’s it. But as I stand in the in-between, I can sense that I’m almost there.