College can feel like a revolving door of friendships: People come in with the seasons, and sometimes, they leave with them too.
When you first get to college, it feels like the world opens up. You meet so many new people, form group chats, and instantly build friend groups that make campus feel like home. You laugh, share late-night food runs, and think these will be your forever people.
But a year later, the same friends you once spent every day with may be the ones you now pass by with only a quick smile or maybe, no acknowledgement at all.
As much as academics matter, building genuine connections and finding your people are just as important. But no one really talks about how the constant shifting of friendships can hurt.
It can feel like something’s wrong with you when people fase aay or like you’ve failed because a friendship didn’t last. The truth is not every friendship is meant to last forever but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t real.
What are seasonal Friendships?
Seasonal Friendships are relationships that last for a specific period of time often tied to a certain phase or season of your life. These friends might have helped you survive freshman year, introducing you to new experiences or simply made that chapter more meaningful.
But just like the seasons change, so do people.
College is full of transitions and with each change, the people who fit into your life naturally shift too.
As the good trade notes, “Some people come into your life to help you grow and when their role is complete, it’s okay to let them go.”
signs you might be in a seasonal friendship:
- You can’t be yourself around them.
You censor your opinions, hide parts of your personality, or feel like you’re playing a role to fit in. Laughter feels forced and conversations stay surface level.
- They don’t check on you, they pry or only reach out for favors.
Their messages are transactional: need a ride, borrow notes, ask for help moving. They rarely ask how you’re doing unless it benefits them.
- Your paths aren’t the same.
Your schedules, goals. And values have diverged. You talk less because the topics that once connected you aren’t relevant anymore.
- Trauma Bonds.
You’re close because you both went through similar hardships; the relationship is intense but unstable and may rely on rehashing pain.
- Forced Environments.
You stay close out of convenience or obligation–roommate status, team placement, or social circles–not authentic liking.
- They bring out negative traits in you.
After hanging out, you notice you’re more anxious, jealous, petty, or mean. Overall behaviors you don’t like in yourself emerge around them.
How to tell when it’s time to let go
It’s not always obvious when a friendship is over. There usually isn’t a big argument or final conversation, just a quiet distance that grows wider over time.
Sometimes, you keep reaching out, hoping things will go back to how they were. Other times, you both feel tension but avoid acknowledging it.
Here are four signs it may be time to let go:
- You feel anxious before hanging out.
If spending time with someone consistently leaves you drained, tense, or questioning your worth, that’s a red flag.
- You’re the only one putting in effort.
You plan, text, check in but they only respond when it’s convenient.
- You’ve grown, but the friendship hasn’t.
You’re evolving in mindset and priorities while they’re comfortable staying the same.
- There’s unspoken resentment.
When you stop celebrating each other’s wins or start feeling competitive, that’s emotional distance showing up.
Recognizing these signs isn’t about blame, it’s about awareness. Friendships change, and that’s a natural part of growth.
Once you see the pattern clearly, the question becomes: what do I do next?
How to let go with grace
Letting go doesn’t have to mean ghosting or cutting someone off out of anger. It’s about peace, boundaries, and closure without creating unnecessary drama.
Here are a few ways to move through it thoughtfully:
- Start with reflection, not reaction.
Before deciding to distance yourself, pause and ask why. Is it temporary miscommunication, or is this friendship no longer adding value to your life? Journaling can help you sort through what’s truly bothering you versus what’s situational.
- Adjust your energy before your words.
You don’t always need to announce you’re pulling away sometimes, you just do. Start by matching their effort. If they stop reaching out, let the space happen. Energy speaks louder than confrontation.
- Release guilt.
You are not a bad person for outgrowing people, you’re allowed to prioritize your peace and well–being.
“Letting go of friendships is not a betrayal, it is staying true to yourself” Jay Sreekumar.
- Fill the space intentionally.
When you let go of a friendship, there’s often an emotional void. Instead of rushing to replace it, spend time nurturing yourself. Go to events solo, connect with people who align with your new energy, or focus on hobbies that refill you.
- Practice gratitude, not resentment.
Every friendship, no matter how short, teaches you something. Gratitude transforms ending into lessons. You can still cherish the memories without needing to reopen the door.
“It is possible to have a friendship fade away without animosity” Audrey Stanton, the good trade.
Why letting go matters
Friendships shape who we are but they also reflect who we’re becoming. Holding into relationships that no longer serve us can block new connections and opportunities for growth.
When you let go of what’s expired, you make room for the people who are meant for your next chapter. Because in the end, letting go isn’t about losing someone, it’s about finding yourself again.